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ARTISTIC FLAIR A wealthy art collector called an artist and said, “I've just bought one of your paintings, but I have one question.” The artist, eager to hear the question, asked, “What is it?” The wealthy collector inquired, “Why is the paint still wet?” The artist chuckled and said, “Well, you said you wanted one of my freshest works!” Maureen S. EMOTION CODE Two robots were discussing human emotions. One said, “I observed a human saying she was perfectly fine, but then she consumed an entire tub of ice cream.” The other robot responded, “Ah, 'perfectly fine' must be human code for 'needs more ice cream.'” Bobby E. FACT OR FICTION As a group of robbers entered the bank, their leader went to the manager and asked him to open the vault. He threatened the manager by saying, “If you try to do anything smart, you are fiction.” The manager was confused and asked him, “Don't you mean, 'You are history'?” The robber angrily replied, “Do not change the subject, okay?” Jake T. TAKE YOUR PARENT TO SCHOOL DAY Morris the accountant went to his daughter Shira's school for “Take your parent to school day.” “So howdid your day go?”Mrs. Rosenberg asked her husbandMorris. “Terrible,” said Shira. “What do youmean terrible?” saidMorris. “Excellent ismore like it!” “Nu, sowhat happened?" askedMrs. Rosenberg. “Themath teacher was giving this boring lesson about basicmath like addition and subtraction and I got up at the front of the class and said, 'Excuseme, but if you all want to be successful one day, forget about learning how to subtract - learn how to deduct.'” Benny S. One day, Ariel took latkes to school for lunch. “These,” he told his friend Daniel, “are what makes Jews so smart.” “Let me try one then,” said Daniel. “Tell you what, I’ll sell you one for five dollars,” said Ariel. So Daniel gave him five dollars and then bit into the latke. “Hey, there’s nothing special about this!” he exclaimed. “It must be working already!” said Ariel. Jack V. Grazi SMART FOOD SWIM TIME IN YESHIVA A yeshiva bochur was at the local swimming pool when he got in trouble with the lifeguard for running. “Hey,” said the lifeguard. “Can’t you read? The sign says no running!” “What are you talking about?” said the yeshiva bochur. “The sign says to run.” “Do you need glasses?” asked the lifeguard. “The sign says, ‘Walk. No Running.’” “You’ve got it all wrong,” said the yeshiva bochur. “The sign says, ‘Walk? No! Running!’” David M. JOB INTERVIEW Chaim Yankel had been out of work for a year now. He wasn’t sure if it was his education or his interview skills that were preventing him from obtaining a new position. Monday morning, Chaim Yankel had a job interview and he was very excited. The manager wanted to find out something about his personality so he asked, “Chaim Yankel, if you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?” Chaim Yankel quickly responded, “The living one." Morris C. THAT’S THE TICKET Sadie Cohen lived in a diverse neighborhood on Long Island. Her neighbor was a very generous African American woman named Louise Jackson who stopped in one Saturday and asked, “Mrs. Co- hen, I have to go into the City this afternoon to meet my daughter. Can I get you anything?” Mrs. Cohen thanked her and exclaimed, “Lis- ten, I have a commuter ticket for the train that I don't use on Saturday. Why don't you use my ticket and you'll bring it back tonight. After all, it's all paid for. Why should you pay extra?” The neighbor thanked her, and later got on the train. As the conductor came through the train, he happened to glance at the ticket and noticed the name “Sadie Cohen.” “Excuse me madam, are you Sadie Cohen, the person whose name appears on this ticket?” Louise smiled sweetly and shook her head affirmatively. A little suspicious, the conductor asked, “Would you let me compare signatures - would you please sign your name?” Louise Jackson turned indignantly and snapped, “Man, are you crazy? You want me to write on Shabbos?!" Miriam F. THE BARBER’S CUSTOMER A man went to the barber for a shave. While the barber was foaming him up, he mentioned the problems he had getting a close shave around his cheeks. The barber took out a small wooden ball and told him to place it between his cheek and gum. The customer asked, “But what if I swallow it?” The barber replied, “No problem, just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does.” Lawrence H. 78 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE