Community MagazineOctober 2021

60 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE A SIGN FROM THE ACCOUNTANT A young family was enjoying an outing at the local community zoo. Little four-year- old Cathy, excited over the panda bear, was leaning into the cage, pointing, and calling to the bear. Then suddenly, without warning, the hungry-looking bear leaped up, grabbed the cuff of her jacket, and tried to pull her inside. At that moment, a biker happened to ride by, and, upon seeing the situation, ran to the cage and hit the bear squarely on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain, the bear jumped back and let go of the girl. The biker then took young Cathy to her terrified parents, who thanked him endlessly. A reporter saw the whole scene and was extremely impressed. He went right up to the biker and said, “Sir, this was the most heroic and brave thing I ever saw a man do in my whole life.” “Why, it was nothing,” said the biker. “The bear was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt anyone would.” “I noticed a patch on your jacket,” said the journalist. “Yeah, I ride with an Israeli motorcycle club,” the biker replied. “Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist with the Times, you know, and tomorrow’s papers will have this story on the front page.” The next morning, the biker bought the paper to see if, indeed, he made headlines. Sure enough, the front page read: “Israeli Gang Member Assaults Chinese Immigrant and Steals His Lunch.” A. N. To make a meager living a poor little old lady would sit on a street corner beside a small cart with a sign that read, “Pretzels 25 Cents Each.” Every day, a young man would leave his office building at lunchtime and as he passed the pretzel stand, he would generously leave her a quarter, but never take a pretzel. Though this went on for more than three years, the two of them never spoke. One day, as the young man passed the old lady’s stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel lady piped up. “Sir,” she said in a soft voice. “Yes,” the man said as he began to sense an outpouring of gratitude. Looking at him with a serious face, the lady slowly lifted her hand and said, “Look here,” as she pointed to a new sign that read, “Pretzels 35 Cents Each.” Hannah H. HEROISM MAKES HEADLINES PRETZEL PATRONAGE SOMETHING TO BE THANKFUL FOR At a social gathering at a senior home, the director was trying to involve the residents with a round table discussion about something they are thankful for. When it was Grandma Darla’s turn, she expressively shared, “I’ve sure gotten old! I’ve had two bypass surgeries and a hip replacement and fought cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, and take nine different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I also have bouts with dementia, have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore, and can’t remember if I’m 89 or 98. “But... I sure am very thankful that I still have my driver’s license.” Harry S. THE FASTEST GIFT Larry was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary and his wife was really angry. “Tomorrow morning,” she told him, “I expect to find something shiny in the driveway that goes from 0 to 100 in ten seconds, and it better be there!” The next morning, Larry got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and, sure enough, there was a wrapped gift box in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back into the house. She opened it and found a shiny new bathroom scale! Solly Z. An organized crime boss found out that his bookkeeper, Yuri, has cheated him out of $10 million. He had hired Yuri as his bookkeeper because he was deaf, and he would thus hear nothing and would be unable to testify against him in court. The boss went to confront Yuri about his missing $10 million, taking along his lawyer who knew sign language. The boss told the lawyer, “Ask himwhere the $10 million is that he embezzled fromme.” The lawyer, using sign language, asked Yuri where the money was. Yuri signed back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.” The lawyer then said to the boss, “He says he doesn’t knowwhat you are talking about.” The boss pulled out a pistol, put it to Yuri’s temple, and said, “Ask him again!” The lawyer signed to Yuri, “He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him.” Yuri signed back, “Okay. You win. The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Peter’s backyard inWoodbridge!” The crime boss asked the lawyer, “What did he say?” The lawyer replied, “He says you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.” Eddie G.