Community Magazine September 2021

78 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE WHAT’S THE BAND PLAYING? Itzik’s Bistro in downtown Tel Aviv is usually full even on Open Mic Wednesdays. One particular Wednesday night, crowded as usual, a band was playing and Shuki and his friend Dudu were sitting near the stage, none too happy. At one point, Shuki pipes up and asks the bandleader, “Can you play something by request?” The bandleader beamed and said, “Of course. Whatever you want.” “Then,” snapped Shuki, “sit down and play a game of shesh besh (backgammon) so I can finish my meal.” Harry G. Little Rivky Goldstein had been a naughty girl in school. By way of punishment, she was directed by Mrs. Applebaum to remain in her seat after school and remain there until she had written an original composition containing not less than fifty words. Rivky completed her task in a surprisingly short space of time and left the room. Mrs. Applebaum picked up the Rivky’s assignment and read it: “I lost my kitty, and I went out and called, ‘Come, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.’” Jeannie L. HERE KITTY, KITTY CAN YOU CRACK US UP? Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations. Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. email: jokes@communitym.com online: go.communitym.com/jokes post mail: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223 Rabbi Epstein was giving his Yom Kippur sermon about forgiveness and during his speech he asked his congregation, “How many of you have forgiven your enemies?” About half held up their hands. He then rephrased his question, “How many of you want to forgive your enemies?” Slowly, every hand in the congregation went up, except for one. Little old Sadie Horowitz. “Mrs. Horowitz?” inquired the Rabbi, “Are you not willing to forgive your enemies, especially on this Day of Atonement when Gd forgives us all?” “I don't have any enemies,” Mrs. Horowitz replied, smiling sweetly. “Mrs. Horowitz, that is more impressive. How old are you?” “Ninety-eight,” she replied. “Oh Mrs. Horowitz, what a blessing and a lesson to us all you are. Would you please stand up and in front of this congregation tell us all how a person can live so long and not have an enemy in the world?” Little old Mrs. Horowitz got up slowly, smiled, faced the congregation, and said, “I outlived all those old yentas.” Marvin S. FORGIVENESS Riddle: Coin Trick SUBMITTED BY MICKY L. Put a coin into an empty bottle and insert a cork into the neck. How can you remove the coin without removing the cork or breaking the bottle? Last Month’s Riddle: Card Trick Three playing cards in a row. Can you name them with these clues? There is a two to the right of a king. A diamond will be found to the left of a spade. An ace is to the left of a heart. A heart is to the left of a spade. Now, identify all three cards. Solution: The Ace of Diamonds, King of Hearts, and the Two of Spades. Solved by: The Blum Family, Lauren Betesh, Sarah Zami, David Zami, David Ades, Nemo the Fish, Dovid Katz, The Shmulster, and Yosef Amram. Junior Riddle: Four-Way Stop SUBMITTED BY LENORE W. Four cars come to a four-way stop, all coming from a different direction. They can’t decide who got there first, so they all go forward at the same time. They do not crash into each other, but all four cars go. How is this possible? Last Month’s Junior Riddle: All In The Family Mr. and Mrs. Mustard have six daughters and each daughter has one brother. How many people are in the Mustard family? Solution: There are nine Mustards in the family. Since each daughter shares the same brother, there are six girls, one boy, and Mr. and Mrs. Mustard. Solved by: The Blum Family, The Tawil Family, David Kamka, Jacqueline Smouha, Marc Smouha, Nemo the Fish, Big Mike, and The Squinchster. Send your solutions! online: go.communitym.com/riddle email: riddles@communitym.com post: 1616 Ocean Pkwy, Brooklyn, NY 11223 Correct solutions received by the 18th of each month will be noted in the next issue.