Community Magazine September 2021

76 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE CATCHING UP ON COMPUTERS Rachel decided to improve her computer skills to keep up with her kids who were in the hi-tech industry in Israel. She threw herself into the task with enthusiasm, borrowing two or three instructional books from the Tel Aviv library each week. After about a month, the librarian commented: “Wow! You must be getting really knowledgeable about this stuff.” “Thanks. What makes you say that?” asked Rachel. “Well,” said the librarian, “only one of the books you're taking out this week has "For Dummies" in the title.” Carol Z. On the 5th floor at Maimonides Hospital, all the patients were not only in bed, but they also had one of their legs suspended in a sling above them. One day, Moishe the consultant, together with some of his staff, was making his rounds on the 5th floor. Moishe stopped at the first bed and pulled and twisted the patient's suspended leg. The patient screamed in agony. This was repeated along the row of beds, while each patient screamed and yelled during the examination. Moishe finally reached the last bed. This was occupied by Emanuel. But when Emanuel's suspended leg was pulled and twisted as was done to all the others, Emanuel remained silent and smiling throughout the procedure. WhenMoishe and his entourage left the ward, all the patients congratulated Emanuel on his bravery and fortitude. But Emanuel responded by telling them, “Brave/shmave – I sawwhat the consultant was doing to you, so I switched my legs and put my good leg in the sling.” DavidM. ON ONE LEG An insurance agent climbed the steps and rang the doorbell. The housekeeper opened the door. “Who are you looking for?” asked the housekeeper. “I want to see the boss of the house,” replied the insurance agent. “Are you the boss?” The husband of the house then came to the door. The insurance agent repeated his question. “I’d like to speak to the boss of the household. I assume that you are the boss?” “Yea right,” replied the man. “I'm only the husband. Step in, I'll call the boss.” The insurance agent took a seat in the hall, and in a short time a woman appeared. “So, you want to see the boss” asked the woman. “Well, just step into the kitchen. This way, please. Rachel, a man is here to see you.” A 13-year-old girl approached. “Tell me,” pleaded the insur- ance agent, “are you the boss of the house?” “You want to see the boss?” asked the girl. “Well, just come with me.” Wearily the insurance agent climbed up the stairs. They walked into a room on the second floor and there was the crib of a sleeping baby. “There!” exclaimed the girl, “That's the real boss of this house!” Karen D. Shmulie, Chelm’s local thief, was caught red-handed by a police officer in the very act of burglarizing a store. He was quickly brought to trial. “How do you plead?” asked the judge. “Your honor,” answered Shmulie, “before I plead guilty or not guilty, I ask that the court kindly appoint a lawyer to defend me.” “You were caught in the actual commission of a crime. What could any lawyer possibly say in your defense?” said the judge. “That’s exactly my point, your honor,” said Shmulie. “I’m curious also to hear what he could possibly say!” Ikey F. WHO’S THE BOSS? THE RIGHT TO AN ATTORNEY CHAIM YANKEL GOES GOLFING Chaim Yankel wanted to make business connections in the non-Jewish community, and he was told that he needed to improve his golf game. So, he joined a golf club and started practicing. But feeling self-conscious, he would only golf alone, with no one present except for his caddy. One day he had a new caddy and Chaim Yankel was playing particularly badly. “I think I am playing the world’s worst golf game,” he confessed to the caddy. “Oh, I wouldn't say that, sir,” was the consoling response. “From what the boys were saying about another gentleman who plays here, he must be worse even than you are.” "What's his name?" The caddy replied, “I think they call him Chaim Yankel.” Morris T. VACATIONING IN VENICE David and Shirah Epstein decided to go on a father and daughter trip to Italy. When they returned, Shirah was giving her mother a rundown of their favorite city, Venice. “Ah, Venice,” said the mother. “It must have been fantastic. What was your father’s favorite part? The gondolas? The glass makers? The Jewish ghetto?” “Come on Mom, you should know Dad better than that,” the young lady interrupt- ed. “Dad liked it because he could sit in the hotel and fish from the window.” Mark C.