Community Magazine July 2021

76 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE HOMEWORK HELPER THAT’S NUTS Teacher: Jacob, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? Billy: No, teacher. It's just the same dog! R. G. Q: What is the only nut without a shell? A: A donut! Susan C. One day, while having coffee in an Upper East Side café, two elderly women were overheard talking. First woman: "What did you do to your hair? It looks like a wig!" Second woman: "Actually, it is a wig." First woman: "Really?! You'd never know it." Jack V. Grazi I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the boss would not allow me to take a leave. I figured that maybe if I acted crazy, he would think I was burned out and tell me to take some time off. So I hung up- side down from the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing and I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the boss would think I was burned out and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked, “What are you doing?” I told him I was a light bulb. He said “You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.” I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker followed me, the boss asked her, “And where do you think you're going?” She said, “I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark!” Ezra C. As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice that when you put the two words “THE” and “IRS” together it spells “THEIRS”? Arlene R. An American and a Dutchman were talking. “What does your flag look like?” asked the American. “It has three stripes,” replied the Dutchman, “red, white, and blue. We say they have a connection with our taxes – we get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and we pay them until we're blue in the face.” “That's just how it is in my country,” replied the American, “only we see stars, too!” Yona F. HAIR STYLE HUMOR SICK DAY STORY TAX TALK NATIONAL COLORS Aman walked into an old-looking restaurant and sat down. The waitress came over and asked, “What’ll you have?” “I'd like a plate of stew and a kind word,” the man replied. The waitress brought his stew a fewminutes later and as she put it down, the man asked, “How about the kind word?” “Oh yeah,” the waitress said, “don't eat the stew!” Sam S. A man walked into a kosher seafood restaurant and asked, "Do you serve crabs here?" The hostess, an older Jewish lady, looked at the man and said, “Sure, we serve anyone – where would you like to sit?” David B. WORTH STEWING OVER KOSHER MENU Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live. Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them? Working for Gd on earth does not pay much, but His retirement plan is out of this world. Ron E. WISDOM OF THE TIMES ART APPRECIATION BANDIT Recently, a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paint- ings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, and get- ting in and out past incredible se- curity, he was captured only two blocks away when his minivan ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a well thought out crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: “I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh!” Helen S. THIS HEAT WAVE is getting ridiculous