Community Magazine June 2021

26 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE Hello it’s me again! Last month, I introduced myself for the first time on this platform, where I’ve been contributing articles for several years. I’m a mom, wife, photographer, part-time writer, and – like all of you – a full-time community member. I’ve been writing monthly about an array of community “hot topics,” interviewing community members and sharing their personal stories, experiences and opinions. This month, I have taken on one of the most delicate and sensitive issues that our community struggles with – the “singles crisis.” (All names have been changed to protect privacy.) AN EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER I began with a conversation with Mrs. Cohen, who has been through the “ shidduch system” with several children, and thus brings a good deal of experience to this topic. “It was an emotional roller coaster ride for me and my daughters,” Mrs. Cohen said. “It was either, ‘She is not religious enough,’ or ‘She is not educated enough’.” The experience was disappointing in several other ways, as well. Mrs. Cohen complained that during her daughters’ seven years of dating, they were only taken to a fancy restaurant once. This was somewhat of a turn-off, Mrs. Cohen explained, because she raised her sons with the principle that dates should be treated tomore than just a cup of coffee. Mrs. Cohen also found that the matchmakers she was working with were disorganized, unprofessional, highly discouraging, and lacking in communication skills.  My conversation with Mrs. Cohen left me discouraged. I went into this project with an open mind, and so I decided to hear from the other side. I called someone I have known for many years who reached out to me recently regarding some singles I’m related to. I know her as a friend first, and matchmaker second. I felt inclined to see her perspective because I trust her opinion – she’s smart, firm, and kind. I know her intentions are pure, so I let her speak before addressing the Cohens’ concerns.  At the start of the interview, I explained to Lisa that the article was about the “singles crisis,” for lack of a better term. She stopped me in my tracks. “I wouldn’t call it a crisis, nor should anyone else,” Lisa protested. “Everyone has to take a step back and take a breather. Everything will happen in the right time, as Hashem intends it to be.” She proceeded to lament the amount of pressure that we as a community put on young adults to find their lifelong match as soon as they reach marriageable age. Her philosophy is that life should not revolve around what is lacking. Singles – and, for that matter, everyone else – should focus their energy on what they can control, not on what they cannot control. Lisa suggests that singles find productive and fulfilling pursuits to engage in, trusting that they will meet the right person at the right time, rather than wallow in frustration, anxiety, and angst. “If you didn’t find a match at 18, 21, 25 like you’d imagined,” she said, “isn’t it better to wait a little longer and marry the right one, than to rush things and potentially bemarried to the wrong person?” I couldn’t argue the point, but I was still disturbed by my discussion several minutes earlier with Mrs. Cohen. I asked her to address Mrs. Cohen’s complaints, starting with the fact that when one of her daughters would tell the matchmaker that she was not interested in a potential match for one reason or another, she would be labelled “picky.” This seems unfair, considering that we’re talking about one’s lifelong partner. FRIEDA SCHWEKY Could We Be Doing It Better? Matchmaking: ak n