Community Magazine February 2021

60 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE Joe came into the doctor’s office for a checkup. Stepping up on the small stool in the exam room, Joe got up onto the examination table. But with each stage of the checkup, the doctor shook his head, clucked his tongue and made extensive notes in his chart. Finally, at the end of the physical, the doctor motioned to Joe to rise from the table. Not sure where the stool was, Joe asked “Doc, how do I stand up?” Looking over at Joe the doctor quickly replied, “That’s exactly what I can’t figure out.” Jack V. Grazi MEDICAL MYSTERY In appreciation for the assistance and warm welcome received from the local community, the colonel decided to hold an open house for all the residents of the town at the new army base. After demonstrating a short drill with soldiers in formation, a grand tour of the base was given, followed by a free meal. In the dining hall, Private Clark was busing tables when he noticed a family leaving a large tip. “Excuse me,” he said, “we can’t accept tips.” “It’s not for you,” said the woman. “That’s to help send your cook to cooking school.” Abie C. Mr. Morris, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of his arithmetic classes: “A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-third of it goes to his wife, one-fifth goes to his son, one-sixth to his butler, one-eighth to his secretary, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each one get?” After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand. With complete sincerity in his voice, Morris answered... “A good lawyer!” D. Bergman A SOLDIERING TIP MATHEMATIC BRAINTEASER THE SPECIALIST Sharon walked into the doctor’s office expecting him to immediately diagnose her aches and pains. The doctor completed a thorough check but could find nothing wrong. “What seems to be the trouble?” he asked. “What is hurting you?” “What kind of question is that?” Sharon responded incredulously. “Can’t you see from my fatigued look that I’m sick as a dog?” “Ah, yes, I see that now,” the doctor acknowledged. “Based on your symptoms, I am going to recommend that you see a specialist right away.” “What kind of specialist are you sending me to see?” Sharon asked worriedly. “Why, a veterinarian, of course.” Yair L. Pam and Heather were crossing the street and heard a clicking sound coming from the traffic light. Heather asked Pam about it. Pam explained that it was a new feature to accommodate the handicapped. The clicking noise would signal to blind people when the light is green and it’s safe to cross. Appalled by what she heard, Heather responded, “What on earth are blind people doing driving?!” Eddie G. TRAFFIC SIGNALS Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. “What’s it for?” one asked. “I’m not exactly sure,” the other replied. “My dad has one. I think you stand on it and it makes you mad.” David S. Going to the front desk of New York's exclusive Pierre Hotel, Mr. Mendelbaum requested some stationery. The clerk asked, “Are you a guest at the hotel?” “No, I am not a guest ,” Mr. Mendelbaum snapped indignantly. “If I was , you wouldn’t be charging me $600 a night!” B. D. We are more valuable than any of the younger generation: We have SILVER in our hair. We have GOLD in our teeth. We have STONES in our kidneys. And we have LEAD in our feet. Raquel H. SCALE WITH A PURPOSE NEW YORK HOSPITALITY WHY SENIORS ARE BETTER Upon completing her math lesson, the teacher handed out a word problem practice sheet. The bonus question asked the students to fill in a space for six letters from the following clue: A billfold or pouch which holds your money. Little Nathan wrote: A Y R U M T Moshe N. ALPHABETICAL