Community Magazine February 2021

22 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE My wedding was…last minute. We’d been dating for about three years and by the summertime, I was done waiting. I knew it was time to get married. I tried to get both sides to talk, and by the time I did, it was already mid-August. I was stubborn and persistent because I knew it was time, so as insane as it sounds, we got engaged, with just two weeks to go before our newly-scheduled wedding date – Sept 2. With the pandemic raging, I knew it was not going to be perfect, but the end result would be the same, so we started planning. The wedding that I always dreamed of was small – just me, my fiancée, some family and friends, and a beach. This is pretty much what I had envisioned. Reality, though, came into play. We don’t own property on the beach, and so a beach wedding wasn’t practical. Instead, we decided to have the wedding in my parents’ backyard. But the small wedding thing – that was definitely happening. We took pictures on the beach before the wedding, so in some ways I got what I wanted.  There were a few unforeseen advantages to our pandemic wedding. Firstly, it was a lot cheaper. We didn’t have to worry about spending the amount we would have on a typical wedding. People were very giving at this time, offering whatever they can do to pitch in and help. Ike Douek (@dj_iked) – Gd bless him! – DJ’d our wedding, as well as many other weddings throughout this pandemic, for free. Although we didn’t spend extravagantly, it turned out to be a beautiful event. Of course, there were also many challenges. We were too late to book a tent. In the event that it rained, my neighbor generously offered to let us get married on his porch that had a roof. It was not what I wanted at all, but since we didn’t have a tent, we at least had a “Plan B.” Because of the COVID-19 restrictions, we had to trim down the guestlist considerably. Also, since it was so last minute, and we were juggling so many balls in the air, a few people who should have been there were, unfortunately and unintentionally, not invited. When it was almost “go-time,” I watched from my parents’ kitchen as the marchers went down. It was drizzling, I was panicky, and my stomach was in knots. When it was my turn to go, I have to say, I’m unsure if it was still raining or not, because that was the last thing on my mind. I know at some point the moisture stopped, and we had beautiful weather. My advice to future brides would be: just let it go! Everything and anything, just let it roll right off your shoulders. Try not to worry too much and just let things happen. I was getting so worked up about the details that weren’t working, and in the end, I’m just so grateful for what I had.  Linda Betesh Will Things be the Same? Tradition is something this community does not take lightly, but we’ve had no choice but to adjust. The extended family and acquaintances, for the most part, had to be taken off the guestlist of these small events, which averaged about 150-200 guests – a significant reduction from the typical 1000-people invite list. With this came some fringe benefits. For starters, not having the pressure of spending over fifty grand on a wedding was a relief for many families, especially those who were financially hurt by the pandemic. Another benefit we found was the intimacy of these events. When the only people attending a wedding have a special, meaningful, close connection to the couple and their family, the enjoyment is magnified. These are unmistakable benefits that were reported by many, and which beg the question: will things ever go back to the way that they were? If we could spend less money, headache, and effort for the same result (marriage), why wouldn’t we? Some brides stated that they cried for weeks when they realized that their dream Shaare Zion wedding of many hundreds of people had to be altered. A few expressed the value they ultimately saw in downsizing the guests to the most important people in their lives. So what will the future of weddings in our community look like? Only time will tell. But for now, we exuberantly celebrate each and every new wedding in our community, and excitedly look forward to more marriages, more beautiful Jewish homes, and more joy and happiness – no matter how long or short the guestlist is! "My advice to future brides would be: just let it go! Everything and anything, just let it roll right off your shoulders. Try not to worry too much and just let things happen."