Community Magazine December 2019

90 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE VISUAL ACUITY ANOTHER TRY FOR PIE While driving through the city, Sam was pulled over for a random security check. The elderly police officer checked his driver’s license and said, “You’re wearing glasses on your license photo, and you’re not now. I’m going to have to give you a ticket.” “But officer,” Sam quickly interrupted, “I have contacts.” “Look sonny,” said the officer, “I don’t care who you know - you’re getting a ticket.” Michael L. Little Johnny and his family lived out in the country, and as a result they seldom had guests. So, when his father showed up one day with two dinner guests from the office, Johnny was thrilled and eager to help his mother. When the dinner was nearly over, Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father, who then promptly passed it to a guest. Then, Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and again gave it to his father, only to see him immediately hand it to another guest as he did before. By this time, little Johnny was quite frustrated. “It’s no use, Dad,” he finally piped up, “the pieces are all the same size.” C.L. Morris needed a long column of figures to be added up for a sales presentation that he was supposed to give later on that afternoon. “Sharon,” he said to his secretary, “please add up these figures for me and make sure you check that the total is correct. It’s for an important meeting and the information must be accurate. It might be a good idea to add up the column and check the total three times to be absolutely sure.” “Ok, sir,” Sharon replied. One hour later, Sharon went over to Morris and said, “Here is what you asked me to do, sir.” “Thank you, Sharon,” Morris said. “Did you check it like I asked you to do?” “Yes, sir, three times,” replied Sharon. “And here are the three answers...” Elie S. The phone in Roger’s home rang late at night. Looking at the caller ID, he saw that it was from a blocked number. Against his better judgment, he answered it anyway. “Hi this is Natalie from Acme Collections Corporation,” says the woman caller. “Can I speak with Roger Johnson, please?” “I’m sorry,” Roger said politely, “but you’ve got the wrong number.” “Are you sure?” asked the caller. “Listen lady,” Roger replied as he began to feel a little agitated, “have I ever lied to you before?” S. F. TRIPLE CHECKED THE RIGHT PHONE MANNER Sylvia and Susan were taking a lunch break together. Sylvia, a real go-getter, was bothered by Susan’s laid back attitude and her habit of always putting off work until the last moment. She finally worked up the courage and asked her co-worker, “Susan, why do you always tend to put off till tomorrow what you can do today?” “Well,” Susan explained, “this way if I get fired today, I won’t have to do it at all!” Jack V. Grazi Shira volunteers for Bikur Holim, a wonderful organization that delivers meals to the sick. Shira usually visits the elderly and on one visit, Shira decided to take her four-year-old daughter Rivky along. Rivky was intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers, and wheelchairs. Then, Rivky noticed a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As Shira braced herself for the inevitable barrage of questions, Rivky merely turned and whispered, “The tooth fairy will never believe this!ˮ Marlene K. LAZY SUSAN TOOTH FAIRY CHECK THE PAYCHECK A STABLE CURRENCY One Friday afternoon, when Katy received her paycheck, she noticed that it was for much more than it was supposed to be. Letting her greed get the best of her, she decided not to say anything and cashed it at the bank. The following week, her check was for less than the normal amount, and so she confronted her boss to ask for the rest of her salary. “How come,” the supervisor inquired, “you didn’t say anything when you were overpaid?” Unruffled, Katy replied, “Well, I can overlook one mistake – but not two in a row!” Shmuel L. Libby entered the bank and approached the only teller working at the time. Handing her the bank withdrawal slip of $400, Libby requested, “May I have large bills, please?” The teller looked up and replied, “I’m sorry, ma’am, all the bills are the same size.” Eddie G.