Community Magazine November 2019

CAN YOU CRACK US UP? Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations. Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. email: jokes@communitym.com online: go.communitym.com/jokes post mail: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223 The doorbell of the Johnson house rang. The lady of the house opened the door, and discovered a workman equipped with a tool chest standing there. “Hello,” he said. “I’m the piano tuner. I was called to fix your piano.” “Why, I didn’t send for a piano tuner,” Mrs. Johnson said. “I know,” the man replied, “your neighbors did.” S.B. LOONEY TUNER Esther Sherman was on an El Al flight to Israel to visit her kids and grandkids. During the flight she kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light. Finally, Esther rang for the flight attendant. “I'm sorry to bother you,ˮ Esther said, “but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time." Joyce K. FLYING HIGH The manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing a potential employee’s application and notices that the man has never worked in retail before. He says to the man, “For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high salary.” “Well, sir,” the applicant replies, “the work is so much harder when you don’t know what you’re doing!” Isaac D. BREAKING INTO RETAIL MAKING THE GRADE Teacher: “Billy, why didn’t you bring back your signed report card?” Billy: “Well, I lost it. You see I was at the beach and I put it down on the sand, but then the tide came in and washed it away. But don’t worry, I told my parents all my grades already.” Teacher: “Did you really?” Billy: “Yes. I told them the story about how the tide came in and mentioned that the whole report card was below sea level.” Marc G. THE GOOD ‘OLE DAYS A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.” The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!” Eddie G. 84 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE Riddle: Fruit Salad SUBMITTED BY RAYMOND S. Besides all being fruit, what do apples, blackberries, tangerines, apricots, and raspberries have in common? Last Month’s Riddle: Wrong Way A truck driver is going opposite traffic on a one-way street. A police officer sees him but does not stop him or pull him over. Why didn’t the police officer stop the truck driver? Solution: The truck driver was walking down the street! Solved by: Nava Strauss, Moshe Strauss, Amram Sananes, Haim Soleimani, Shalev Family, Sesar Faham, Murad Faham, Eli Nuseiri, Jack Yazdi, Blum Family, Belle and Ikey G., Sara A., Chila Louzieh, and Yosef Gemal. Junior Riddle: Locksmith SUBMITTED BY ALICE C. If a car key would open a car, and a house key would open a house, then what would open a banana? Last Month’s Junior Riddle: Vacation Destination If crayons go on vacation in Color-ado, cats vacation in Kat-zakhstan, where would dogs go for a vacation? Solution: Paw-land (Poland)! Solved by: The Shmulster and the Ben Yosef Family. Send your solutions! online: go.communitym.com/riddle email: riddles@communitym.com post: 1616 Ocean Pkwy, Brooklyn, NY 11223 Correct solutions received by the 18th of each month will be noted in the next issue.