Community Magazine November 2019

82 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE ON THE ROAD AGAIN RUNNING ON EMPTY A REWARDING FIND Pamela was driving briskly on a winding, narrow country road when her husband, Morris, who was sitting in the passenger seat, said, “Every time you zip around one of those sharp bends I get very frightened that we might fall off the side of the highway!” “I know how you feel,” Pamela said sympathetically, “and if it bothers you that much, then the next time we come to a sharp turn, you should do what I do.” “What’s that?” Morris asked. “Close your eyes.” Yaakov R. As he pulled into the gas station, Chaim noticed a woman trying to push her car toward the pump. Interested in accruing more mitzvot as he approached Rosh Hashanah, the Day of Judgment, Chaim parked and joined her in pushing her car. “What are you doing?” she asked. “I'm giving you a hand,” Chaim said. “What are you doing?” “I'm stretching before my run.” Marlene F. Selling at an auction was halted when a man came to the auctioneer and whispered a few words to him. A moment later, the auctioneer announced, “This gentleman just informed me that he lost his wallet containing $2,000. Has anyone found it?” After a moment of silence, the man who lost his wallet whispered something else to the auctioneer. The auctioneer then announced, “The gentleman is now offering a reward of $500 for the wallet’s immediate return, so please don’t hesitate to speak up.” After a short pause, there was a call from the back of the room, “$550.” Shimmy Ralph had just received his driver’s license, and to celebrate the whole family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into the car for his first real drive. Dad immediately headed to the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. “I’ll bet you decided to sit back there, so you can get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat, teaching me how to drive,” the beaming boy said to his dad. “Well I have been looking forward to this day,” came Dad’s reply, “but it’s not for a change of scenery.” “So, what is it?” Ralph asked. “It’s so I can finally get a chance to kick the back of your seat while you drive!” Sam L. My husband is wonderful with our baby daughter, but often turns to me for advice. Recently, I was resting in the bedroomwhen he poked his head in to ask, “What should I feed Lily for lunch?” “That’s up to you,” I replied. “There’s lots of food in the refrigerator. Why don’t you pretend I’m not home?” A fewminutes later, my cell phone rang. I answered it to hear my husband saying, “Yeah, hi, honey. Uh… what should I feed Lily for lunch?” Ezra S. Charlie: So, what do you think is wrong with me, Doc? Doctor: It’s strange, really. I can’t seem to identify the exact ailment. I think it may be the result of heavy drinking. Charlie: That’s alright, Doc. I can just come back when you’re sober. Yossi K. A DRIVING EXPERIENCE I’M NOT HOME CHARLIE’S CHECKUP Alfred was having a lot of difficulty in French class. To encourage him, his teacher said, “You’ll know you’re really beginning to get it when you start dreaming in French.” About a month later, Alfred came running into class excitedly. “Teacher, teacher! I had a dream last night and everyone was talking in French!” “Great!” the teacher exclaimed. “What were they saying?” “I don't know,” Alfred replied. “I couldn't understand them!” Simon B. A FRENCH DREAM JUST CURIOUS THE MOTH MYTH Mrs. Simon was teaching her fourth grade class at Talmud Torah Academy about the importance of curiosity. “Where would we be today if no one had ever been curious?ˮ Mrs. Simon asked. Little Rivkie called out from the back of the class, “In the Garden of Eden?ˮ Sarah M. “I’ll take six packets of mothballs, please,” said an old lady to the sales clerk, early one Tuesday morning. “But I sold you six packets yesterday,” the clerk replied. “That should really be enough for most households.” “I know,” she said, “but my aim is not very good, and I keep missing them.” Joel L.