Community Magazine November 2019

Style SPIRIT & FORTHEWOMANOFTODAY HEALTHY Homelife MOZELLE FORMAN, LCSW I have had the privilege of sharing my ideas, research, and professional advice in this column for the past four years. I have given much thought to the content I share, hoping that it is relevant and, above all, helpful to my readers. My intent was always to impart tools to be used in improving relationships, strengthening marriages, and fortifying families. The relationship between husband and wife is the primary relationship in a family, and it requires nurturing and attention. Every marriage begins with the same unspoken goals of developing a relationship where husband and wife help one another through hardships and disappointments, and they understand one another free from judgment. Each makes bringing happiness and pleasure to the other the primary focus, overlooking flaws, and expressing gratitude and appreciation freely. In the early days of marriage, these behaviors are governed by instinct and fresh intent. As marriage progresses and disappointments have occurred, tools and skills become necessary tomaintain the same level of connection. This is where I have addressedmy articles – providing a tool box for couples and offering reminders to take an active approach to their relationship. The feedback I have received has encouraged me to continue to compose articles, despite the monthly butterflies in my stomach as I questioned myself: “What are you going to say this month?” and “Didn’t you already say that?” After composing, editing, re-wording, and paring down my thoughts to 750 words for all these wonderful years, I have come to understand Mark Twain’s statement: “I didn’t have time to write a short letter so I wrote a long one instead.” It really does take more time to state your point succinctly than to ramble on. I have aimed to be concise in order to capture the essence of amessage I hope will be meaningful and valuable to those who come across it. Writing this column has truly been a labor of love, a love for the work that I do and a love for the members of our community, a legacy passed down to me by my grandfather, Hacham Yaakov Kassin, zt”l , andmy dear fatherMeyer J. Kassin, a”h . I amgrateful for their example of dedication to our community and I have tried to emulate their ways, providing guidance, support, and encouragement with the abilities and blessings Hashem has bestowed upon me. I have loved what I do here, but new and exciting opportunities require my attention. I have discovered a passion for pastel painting and have been given the privilege of exhibiting my artwork in three art galleries – simultaneously! This will requireme to compose, create, and inspire with vibrant, colorful pigments, and not the written word. AndsoIcometoabittersweetdecision–thiswillbemyfinalcolumn here. In order to fully engage in this new endeavor and to satisfy my audience, I must dedicate my time. I hope to bring more beauty into the world with my art, in the same way I hoped to bring comfort and compassion with my words. I invite you to share my creative journey by following me on Instagram (@mozelle.forman) or visiting one of the galleries where my work will be displayed – the Gaelen Gallery East at the JCC Metrowest in West Orange, NJ (opening reception November 3 rd , artwork exhibited until December 22 nd ), and a one-woman show at the JCC on the Palisades December 2-30 (artist reception December 10 th , 6:30pm). PartingAdvice PartingWords of Wisdom And now I leave you with some words of wisdom, some my own and some from others who have inspired me, and a blessing that love, kindness, and mutual respect inform every communication you share with everyone in your life. Be kind whenever possible… Worry is like paying a debt you don’t owe… Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die… Happiness doesn’t mean everything is perfect...it means you have decided to look past the imperfections… Tell them what you need, not what they are doing wrong… If they don’t know what you want, they can’t give it to you; so don’t blame them if they get it wrong… Be gentle with yourself and others when things fall short of ideal… There is more than one way to be right… Don’t cry because it is over; smile because it happened… And last but not least - Find what makes your heart sing and create your own music (or art!). One of Mozelle's pastel paintings that will be featured at the art gallery. 60 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE