Community Magazine August 2019

CAN YOU CRACK US UP? Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations. Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. email: jokes@communitym.com online: go.communitym.com/jokes post mail: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223 A man joined a multinational company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the cafeteria and shouted into the phone, "Get me a coffee quickly!" The voice from the other side responded, "You fool. You've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?" "No" replied the trainee. "It's the CEO of the company, you fool!" The trainee shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?" "No," replied the CEO. "Good!" replied the trainee as he put down the phone. Ellen S. ALMOST A BAD DAY AT WORK Sadie, an elderly lady, goes up to a man at a bus stop in Boro Park. She tugs on the sleeve of his coat and asks, "Farshtayn Yiddish?" The man answers, "Yes, ich farshtay." Sadie then says, "Vot time is it?" Maxie C. Lionel is out of work and, would you believe, goes to a nearby building site to see what jobs are going. He goes up to the foreman and says, “Do you have any vacancies?” The foreman replies, “What do you do?” “I’m a handyman,” says Lionel. “Can you do bricklaying?” “No.” “Can you do plumbing?” “No.” “Can you do carpentry?” “No.” “So why are you calling yourself a handyman, then?” says the foreman. “Because,” replies Lionel, “I live around the corner.” Jack T. THE YIDDISH SPEAKER THE HANDYMAN JEWISH CUSTOMS A young scholar from New York was invited to become rabbi in a small old community in Chicago. On his very first Shabbat, a hot debate erupted as to whether one should or should not stand during the reading of the Ten Commandments. The next day, the rabbi visited 98 year-old Mr. Katz in the nursing home. "Mr. Katz, I'm asking you, as the oldest member of the community," said the rabbi, "what is our synagogue's custom during the reading of the Ten Commandments?" "Why do you ask?" asked Mr. Katz. "Yesterday we read the Ten Commandments. Some people stood, some people sat. The ones standing started screaming at the ones sitting, telling them to stand up. The ones sitting started screaming at the ones standing, telling them to sit down..." "That," said the old man, "is our custom." Mordechai E. Riddle: The Stair Master SUBMITTED BY SALLY B. A family lives in a large tower apartment building, 12 floors high. Every day their son takes the elevator from the family’s apartment on the 12th floor to the ground floor and goes to school. When he returns in the afternoon, he uses the elevator to get to the fifth floor, and then uses the stairs for the remaining seven floors. Why? Last Month’s Riddle: What Am I? I have keys but no doors, I have space but no rooms, I allow you to enter but you are never able to leave. What am I? Solution: A Keyboard! Solved by: Rosie Levy, Haim Soleimani, Daniel Nierman, Rafael S., and Evette T. Junior Riddle: Book Smarts SUBMITTED BY CARL L. What is the longest word in the English dictionary? Last Month’s Junior Riddle: Sports Trivia I am used in most sports, have four holes, come in many different colors and there is a state that shares my name. What am I? Solution: A Jersey! Solved by: Eliyahu Barnathan, Abie Sutton, Marco Alhalabi, Belle Gadeh, Ikey Gadeh, Marvin Azrak, Haim Soleimani, Liazadeh Family, Esther Ballas, Miriam Harary, Sarah Harary, S. Harary, and Evette T. Send your solutions! online: go.communitym.com/riddle email: riddles@communitym.com post: 1616 Ocean Pkwy, Brooklyn, NY 11223 Correct solutions received by the 18th of each month will be noted in the next issue. 92 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE