Community Magazine June 2019

iyar - SIVAN 5779 june 2019 63 her baked goods business, Joy’s Goodies, she embodies shaatra , and never says no when any of her children need assistance. The Family’s Journey with the Youngest Daughter Two years ago, Susan gave birth to her youngest daughter, Rivka. Her other children were eight, six, four, and two years old. Rivkawas bornwith an underdeveloped esophagus. Susan and Eli were told by the doctors that her esophagus could be repaired and that Rivka would be in the hospital for six weeks. The six weeks turned into 13 months. “We transferred Rivka at six weeks from Monmouth Hospital to a hospital in Philadelphia that had more experience with rare cases like Rivka’s. There were lots of setbacks and several surgeries. We kept telling ourselves that Hashem wants it this way. The entire community including SBH supported us spiritually and physically. There were berachot parties and challah bakes for Rivka. Women cooked dinners the entire year and babysat. I was at the hospital in Philly and couldn’t make it home in time. I took a leave from Nessco and Eli needed to keep his job. A very special community member stepped in and was there for my kids after school when I couldn’t be, taking them on outings, buying them gifts, and more. She was the person I called when I had unexpected hospital emergencies.” Susan explained that Hashem brought her through this terrifying period one day at a time. The future was unknown and there were so many possible scenarios. “I was no longer in control. I had to change my mindset and take things as they happened. I accepted that my plans were changing constantly depending on what was happening with Rivka’s condition. In the end, we had a miracle. The doctor came out of the operating room after only four hours instead of the estimated 10 hours, with the miraculous news that the surgery was more natural and simpler than expected. Rivka is two years old and a typical toddler.” Growth that Came with the Challenges During this 13-month period, Susan trained herself to prioritize. Certain things became less important. So much had to be configured to make her family’s life function. Expectations had to be readjusted and recalibrated. Hagim and semachot came and went. Susan couldn’t work at Nessco but took makeup jobs, needing that outlet. Making her clients feel good lifted Susan’s spirits and allowed her to feel that not everything was falling apart in her life. “I was dedicated to normalizing my children’s lives. Rivka was sick but our lives had not stopped. I had other kids to take care of.” Susan gave the example of taking her daughters shopping for the hagim . She also pushed herself to go to an exercise class or a shiur . Eli encouraged her to get out, knowing how crucial it was for Susan to do something for herself. Susan and Eli’s children also developed flexibility. In the beginning, they were confused. It was a big adjustment for them - their baby sister was in a hospital 90 minutes away. Susan received guidance from experts at Chai Lifeline on how to talk to her young children about their sick sibling. Susan explained what was happening to her kids, why things were sometimes spontaneous, for example, “this Shabbat you are going to so and so’s home.” They started to tolerate change, especially in their routines. This was a positive outcome for them. Susan and Eli addressed their anxieties and saw growth. Now that Rivka is home, her siblings are very mature and are aware of what Rivka can eat. At the same time, they treat her like a regular two-year-old. Susan’s New Project and Advice for Women Susan is back at Nessco and took on a new endeavor, the Cohen Kids Library, a self-service Jewish Library in Long Branch. Susan’s oldest daughter loves to read, and Susan and Eli would say, “I wish we had a Jewish library.” A multi-purpose room in the Cohen home, which has its own entrance, houses the new library. Each Cohen child has a task on Thursday nights to get the room ready for library hours on Friday. I leave you with Susan’s positive advice for busy wives and working moms. Susan encourages working mothers to make time to be with friends or attend shiurim . Communication is also key! “Husbands and wives have busy days. It’s important to make time to catch up with your husband on life and spend some time alone, go out for dinner, or an ice cream, or a walk on the boardwalk.” You can connect with Susan at suecohen88@yahoo.com . Ellen Geller Kamaras, CPA/MBA, is an International Coach Federation (ICF) Associate Certified Coach. Ellen can be contacted at  ellen@lifecoachellen.com (www.lifecoachellen.com ).