Community Magazine June 2019

CAN YOU CRACK US UP? Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations. Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. e mail: jokes@communitym.com online: go.communitym.com/jokes post mail: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223 Riddle: Sea Tales Submitted by Tito B. The captain of a ship was telling this interesting story: "We traveled the sea far and wide. At one time, two of my sailors were standing on opposite sides of the ship. One was looking west and the other one east. And at the same time, they could see each other clearly." How can that be possible? Last Month’s Riddle: Long Line You draw a line. Without touching the line, how do you make it a longer line? Solution: Draw a short line next to it and now it’s the longer line. Solved by: Marvin Azrak, Daniela Blum, Marvin Saka, David Saka, Jackie “Riddle King”, and The Grazis. Junior Riddle: What Am I? Submitted by Louise N. Forward I am heavy, but backward I am not. What am I? Last Month’s Junior Riddle: Holy Mystery Item What is full of holes but still holds water? Solution: A sponge! Solved by: Haim Soleimani, Irina Yevdayeva, Dovid Weiss, Tobi Ungar, Murad Faham, Sesar Faham, Raquel Shacalo, Marvin Azrak, The Blum Family, Leon Hamra, Marvin Saka, David Saka, Nathan Cohen, Celine Cohen, Rachel Shamah, Joey Dabah, and The Grazis. Send your solutions! online: go.communitym.com/riddle email: riddles@communitym.com post: 1616 Ocean Pkwy, Brooklyn, NY 11223 Correct solutions received by the 18th of each month will be noted in the next issue. Chaim Yankel was known as Chelm’s biggest worrier, and he felt like the worrying was ruining his life. He saw a psychologist who recommended a specialist who could help him. His friend, Berel, noticed a dramatic change and asked, “What happened, Chaim Yankel? Nothing seems to worry you anymore.” “I hired a professional worrier and I haven't had a worry since,” replied Chaim Yankel. “That must be expensive,” Berel replied. “He charges $5,000 a month,” Chaim Yankel told him. “$5,000!!? How in the world can you afford to pay him?” exclaimed Berel. “I don't know. That's his problem.” Jonathan C. Professional Worrier Benjy is in MOSHE'S KOSHER PETS to find a suitable pet parrot. As he's walking around, he sees a group of three parrots in a large cage. So he calls over Moshe, points to the blue parrot and asks, “How much is that parrot?ˮ Moshe replies, “That lovely parrot is $350.ˮ “ Oy ,ˮ says Benjy. “Why is it so expensive?ˮ “I've priced the blue parrot at $350 because it has learned the whole Tanach by heart,ˮ replies Moshe. And to prove it, Moshe goes over to the cage and the parrot recites the first few words of the Torah. Although impressed with the blue parrot, it was too expensive, so Benjy points to the yellow and green parrot and asks, “And how much is this parrot?ˮ Moshe replies, “That parrot is $800.ˮ “ Oy vey ,ˮ says Benjy. “It's even more expensive than the blue one. Why?ˮ Moshe replies, “Because the yellow and green parrot can discuss the whole Talmud.ˮ And to prove it, Moshe goes over to the cage and asks, “ Nashim is one of the six orders of the Mishnah . What are the components of Nashim ?ˮ And the yellow and green parrot immediately replies, “ Yevamot, Ketubot, Nedarim, Nazir, Sotah, Gittin, and Kiddushin .ˮ Although very impressed with the yellow and green parrot, it too was far too expensive. So Benjy points to the red parrot and hoping it was affordable asks, “And how much is the red parrot?ˮ Moshe replies, “That parrot is $2,000.ˮ “ Oy vey ,ˮ says Benjy. “What on earth can this parrot do that's so special to make it excessively expensive?ˮ “Well,ˮ replies Moshe, ˮI've not yet been able to discover what his talent is, but what I do know is that the other two parrots call him ‘Rabbi.’ˮ Mordechai K. Three Kosher Parrots 104 Community Magazine