Community Magazine May 2019

58 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE Sage Advice from Rabbi Avigdor Miller, zt”l STRAIGHT TALK The Rav has said that there is no justification for people not to marry. But are there not some people who are just not meant to get married, such as people who would not be able to financially support a family? Question and Answer supplied by TorasAvigdor.org. (TAPE #E-173). Answer is taken directly from the words of Rabbi Avigdor Miller, zt”l. However, it has been slightly edited to allow for easier reading. I cannot justify people refraining from marriage even if they are poor their entire lives. Why don’t these people learn a parnasah (means of earning a living)?! Why are they poor?! It’s a sin to be poor. “There shall surely be no poor among you” (Devarim 15:4). A man must do whatever he can to avoid poverty (Bava Metzia 30b). You shouldn’t be a poor man. Many poor people have themselves to blame. Why don’t they learn some kind of  parnasah ?! There are many types of  parnasah opportunities out there. There are thousands of ways to make a livelihood. In most cases, when people do not marry, it is their fault. First of all, how can you marry if you’re not prepared to support a wife?! I was talking with a man who is turning 30 and still not married, and I asked him if he had a job. He said he did not. How can you look for a  shidduch  (match) if you don’t have a job at 30 years old? It’s ridiculous! A girl would have to be crazy to marry you! I didn’t tell him that, but that’s the truth. He wants a  shidduch ?! I said to him, “You have to support a wife.” And that lesson is very important. Learn a  parnasah ! And people who don’t marry – Gd will hold them accountable. They are responsible not only for the sin of not marrying, but also for the sin of not having children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. A lazy man is not necessarily satisfied with his lot; he doesn’t have the energy to change it, even if he is dissatisfied. You have a lot of people in slums who are not happy with their lots – they’re very angry that they have to be poor, and they’re complaining all the time – but they’re too lazy, too irresponsible, to do anything about it. A  same’ah behelko , on the other hand, is someone who has plenty of energy to do things, but he feels that his lot is so satisfactory that there’s no need to change. He’s actually satisfied with his lot. What’s the difference between an atzel, the “lazy man” who is criticized by the sages, and a same’ah behelko, “one who is happy with his lot,” whom the sages praise?