Community Magazine April 2019

CAN YOU CRACK US UP? Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations. Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. e mail: jokes@communitym.com online: go.communitym.com/jokes post mail: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223 Failing Grade The big red “F” stared back at young Moishie on his exam paper. Moishie’s friend Shmueli looked at his glum friend and asked, “Why did you get such a low grade on that test?” “Because of an absence,” Moishie answered. “You mean you were absent on the day of the test?” Shmueli questioned. Little Moishie replied, “No, but the kid who sits next to me was.” Joey E. A woman runs into a theatre in Israel, calling out, “Is there a doctor in the house, doctor, doctor?” The play stops, the lights go on, and three men get up, each saying, “I am a doctor – how can I help?” “Oy”, answers the woman, “have I got a girl for you!” Lisa D. Is There a Doctor in the House? Quick Thinking Isaac arrives in London from Canada and takes a job working on the shop floor of HYMIE’S SUPERMARKET. One day, a customer asks him where he can find half a head of lettuce and Isaac tells him that they only sell whole heads of lettuce. But the customer is insistent and gets Isaac to consult with Hymie. So, Isaac goes into the back room and says to Hymie, “Some yo-yo wants to buy a half a head of lettuce.” As he finishes his sentence, Isaac turns to find the customer standing right behind him, so he quickly adds, “And this gentleman offered to buy the other half.” Hymie approves the deal and the customer leaves satisfied. Later that day, Hymie says to Isaac, “I was very impressed with the way you got yourself out of that tricky situation earlier. We like people who can think on their feet here. Where are you from?” “I’m from Canada, sir,” Isaac replies. “So why did you leave Canada?” Hymie asks. “Because too many yentas and hockey players live there,” replies Isaac, smiling. “That’s quite surprising,” says Hymie, looking angry. “My wife is from Canada.” Isaac replies, “You don't say? Who did she play for?” Ralph Z. Riddle: Colorful Homes Submitted by Ellen S. If a red house is made of red bricks, and a yellow house is made of yellow bricks, what is a greenhouse made of? Last Month’s Riddle: Daily Planner Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday? Solution: Yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Solved by: Celia Cohen, Nathan Cohen, David Cohen, Jack Sukkotash, H. Soleimani, Judah Mansour, Jack Zami, Phil Shelby, Soly Stavrach, Joey Hayfaz, The Hershkovich Family, The Real Blums, Al Schicman, Sarah Cohen, Lauren M., Joyce Levy, Marvin Azrak, Joey Ammach, and Rosie W. Junior Riddle: Mystery Word Submitted by Jimmy C. A word I know six letters it contains, remove one letter and twelve remains, what is it? Last Month’s Junior Riddle: What Is It? If I have it, I don’t share it. If I share it, I don’t have it. What is it? Solution: A secret! Solved by: Miriam Kadosh, Yocheved Franklin, Baby Stuey, The Hershkovich Family, Family Blum, Sarah Cohen, The Buchster, Sarah Antabi, Ruthy Mayor, Marc Sadar, Eli Ammach, and Rosie W. Send your solutions! online: go.communitym.com/riddle email: riddles@communitym.com post: 1616 Ocean Pkwy, Brooklyn, NY 11223 Correct solutions received by the 18th of each month will be noted in the next issue. 102 Community Magazine