Community Magazine April 2019

The Cheap Taxi Ride Locked Out Mordechai, his wife, and their three children have just finished their shopping and decide to take a taxi back home. So Mordechai hails a cab and says to the driver, “If you turn off the meter, howmuch will you charge to drive us to Brooklyn?” “For you and your wife, I'll charge just $12,” says the taxi driver. “And I'll take the 3 children for free. Is that okay?” Mordechai turns to his children and says, “Jump into the taxi, children, this nice man will take you home. Your mother and I will take the bus.” Morris A. As we have all done at some point, Maxie locks himself out of his car on a hot summer day. But he manages to find a wire coat hanger in a nearby dustbin and goes back to his car to try to open the lock. As soon as he shoves the wire through the slightly open window, his wife Sarah starts telling him what to do. “Maxie, move it more to the right, now more to the left. Higher! Lower!” Finally, Sarah says, “What's taking you so long, Maxie?” Maxie replies, “Sarah, it's easy for you to say, sitting inside an air-conditioned car!” Bobby K. Medical Exam The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him. “Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes,” answered the patient. “You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. No, it's actually worse than that. Iʼm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where Iʼm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there – if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?” The doctor mused for a moment, and then answered in his kindest tone, “Pay me in advance.” Carol L. One-Liners Q: Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? A: Because he did not want to wake the sleeping pills! *** Q: Why did the boy take a nap in the bathroom? A: Because the sign on the door said, “RESTROOM”! Jacqueline Ades, granddaughter of Jack Grazi Sadie Cohen lived in an integrated neighborhood on Long Island. A neighbor, a very friendly and generous African American woman, stopped by one Saturday and offered, “Mrs. Cohen, I have to go to NYC this afternoon to meet my daughter. Can I get you anything?” Mrs. Cohen thanked her and counter-offered, “Listen, I have a commuter's ticket for the train. Why don't you use my ticket, and you'll bring it back tonight? After all, it's paid for. Why should you pay extra?” The neighbor thanked her, and with the ticket in hand made her way to the train station. When the train arrived, she boarded, and as the conductor walked through, he happened to glance at the ticket, noticing the name “Sadie Cohen.” The conductor asked, “Excuse me, madam, are you Sadie Cohen, the person whose name appears on this ticket?” The woman smiled sweetly and nodded her head in the affirmative. More than a little suspicious, the conductor asked, “Would you let me compare signatures? Would you mind signing your name?” The African American lady turned indignantly to the conductor and snapped, “Man, are you crazy? You want me to write on Shabbat?!” Sally T. I spoke to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way. He said, “Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, and I had a roof over my head. I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA online, I had no bills and no debt, and I even had full medical coverage.” I felt sorry for him, so I asked, “What happened? Lost your job, were you sick, did you get divorced?” “Oh no, nothing like that,” he said. “No, no – I was paroled!” Abe C. Train Ticket Free at Last “My son is something else,” Mrs. Finkelstein told her friend. “He traveled to Atlantic City last week in a $25,000 car and returned a few days later in a $100,000 vehicle!” “Wow! He won that much money?” her friend replied. “He must really know how to gamble.” “Well, not really,” said the mother. “He went in our car, but had to return by bus.” Dave G. Transportation Upgrade 100 Community Magazine