Community Magazine March 2019

CAN YOU CRACK US UP? Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations. Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. e mail: jokes@communitym.com online: go.communitym.com/jokes post mail: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223 Two Jews in Russia Two Jews were standing and talking on a street in Russia. One of them did not have official papers permitting him to be in Russia at the time. When a police officer approached them to verify their documents, the Jewwith the documents told his friend not to worry as he began to run from the officer. The officer began to chase him. When he finally caught up the officer asked him to show his documents, which he did. The officer asked him, “Why did you run away fromme when you have the right documents?” “My doctor told me to run one mile each day,” responded the Jew. “But why didn't you stop when you sawme running after you,” asked the officer. “I thought your doctor told you the same,” said the Jew. Eli D. The Last Meal Fabritzi, Jacques, and Abe are about to be executed and they are asked what they wished to have for their last meal. Fabritzi asks for a pizza pie, which he is served. He is then executed. Jacques asks for a filet mignon, which he is served. He too is then promptly executed. Abe requests a plate of strawberries. “Strawberries?” “Yes,” replies Abe, “strawberries.” “But they are out of season.” “So, nu, I'll wait.” Susan K. My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right – I jogged this morning and I feel ten years older! Jack V. Grazi Doctor’s Advice The Deal Joseph had just passed his driving test, so he asked his father if they could discuss the use of the car. His father replied “Joseph, Iʼll make a deal with you. You bring your school grades up, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut, and we'll talk about it.” After about a month Joseph came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. His father replied, “Joseph, Iʼve been really proud of you. You have raised your school grades, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!” Joseph waited a moment and replied, “You know Dad, Iʼve been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Abraham had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Moses had long hair...” To which the father replied, “Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!” Benjamin H. Riddle: Daily Planner Submitted by Hal T. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday? Last Month’s Riddle: Boy and His dog A boy stands on one side of a lake, with his dog on the other side. The boy calls his dog, which immediately crosses the lake. The dog doesn’t get wet and doesn’t use a bridge, boat, or any type of floatation device. How did the dog cross the lake without getting wet? Solution: The lake was frozen! Solved by: Jack Maleh, H. Soleimani, Yisroel Mendel Hutner, Daniel Husney, Tammy Sassoon, Caroline S., Michael F., and Daniela Blum. Junior Riddle: What Is It? Submitted by Maxine L. If I have it, I don’t share it. If I share it, I don’t have it. What is it? Last Month’s Junior Riddle: Mystery Coat I’m a coat that can only be put on when wet. What am I? Solution: A coat of paint! Solved by: Celine Cohen, David Cohen, Yisroel Mendel Hutner, Irving Levy, Daniel Husney, The Joe, Steven Buchris, Ikey Gadeh, Belle Gadeh, Tammy Sasson, Etz Chaim/Rabbi Tobal, Ruthy Mayor, The Other Blum Family, Daniela Blum, Galit Almog, and Joey Dabbah. Send your solutions! online: go.communitym.com/riddle email: riddles@communitym.com post: 1616 Ocean Pkwy, Brooklyn, NY 11223 Correct solutions received by the 18th of each month will be noted in the next issue. 90 Community Magazine