Community Magazine August 2017

APHORISMS SMALL VALUABLES KINDERGARTEN CONCERNS PLAYPEN PARTY Q&A The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number. No one ever says 'It's only a game' when their team is winning. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it. Al Harary Dave was playing basketball in his driveway with some of his friends after school when suddenly he lost his contact lens. After a fruitless search, he went inside and told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found. Undaunted, she went outside, and in a few minutes, she returned with the lens in her hand. "How did you manage to find it, Mom?" Dave asked. "We weren't looking for the same thing," his mother replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150." Sylvia S. Little Ruthie was in Junior Kindergarten at Eitz Chaim preschool. Her favorite time of the day was when the Morah taught parsha. Morah Dinah was telling the story of Lot and Sodom. "There was a man named Lot,” Morah Dinah explained, “who was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, Ruthie asked, "What happened to the flea?" Sylvia S. Shifra was starting to get a little stir crazy with her three young kids all under the age of 4. She complained to her best friend Miriam, "I’m getting no rest! They’re driving me crazy!" "What you need," said Miriam, "is a playpen." So Shifra bought a playpen. A few days later, Miriam called to ask how things were going. "Amazing! I can't believe it," Shifra said. "I get in that pen with a good book and a chocolate bar, and the kids don't bother me for hours!" Lillian H. Q: What asks no questions but receives a lot of answers? A: A telephone! Q: What can you always count on? A: Your fingers! Q: What is the center of gravity? A: The Letter V! Q: What can clap without any hands? A: Thunder! Shirly and Paula Sardar A LESSON IN SUBTRACTION Teacher: If you have ten slices of chocolate cake and someone asks you for two, how many do you have left? Student: Ten! I’m not going to let someone take my chocolate cake! Diana R. Azrak BASED ON A TRUE STORY KIDS THESE DAYS "I have to stop at the supermarket,” a wife told her husband on their way home from the city. “I need a bottle of milk.” The milk was all the way at the back of the store, so the husband told his wife he would wait her for to grab it and browse in the meanwhile. After half an hour, the husband called his wife to see what was keeping her. “I’m almost finished,” she said. “I’ll meet you by the cashier.” The husband’s bill came out to $27.00. His wife’s bill came out to $73.00 – exactly $100.00 total. The two got back in the car and drove home, satisfied with their purchases. But when the wife was putting everything away, she started shrieking. And what do you think she shouted? That’s right – "Oh my gosh, you'll never believe it. I FORGOT TO BUY THE MILK!" Jack V. Grazi Rachel went to stay at her grandmother’s house for a few weeks in the summer. While there, her grandmother decided that she was going to teach Rachel how to sew. After she’d gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine and sew a garment, Rachel stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, "Grandma, I don’t understand, you can do all that, but you can't figure out how to use Skype?” Frieda B. 92 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE