Community Magazine September 2016

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL NO SIGN OF TROUBLE Luke comes home from his first day of school, and his mother asks, “What did you learn today?” “Not enough,” Luke replies. “They said I have to go back tomorrow.” Lana P. Marty and Adela were vacationing in upstate New York when their car’s license plate was stolen. They planned to go to a local DMV office for a replacement, but then they discovered that their registration had expired. After much thought, Marty came up with a plan. He taped a sign over the empty license plate space on the rear of the vehicle, and made the eight-hour trip home safely. Not a single state trooper stopped them, but many passing motorists took great pains to honk and wave. So, what did they do? Marty’s sign read, “Just Married!” Marliyn G. RESTORING ORDER A head teacher is making his rounds of the school when he hears a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushes in and spots one boy, taller than the others, who seems to be making the most noise. He seizes the lad, drags him to the hall, and tells him to wait there until he is excused. Returning to the classroom, the head teacher restores order and lectures the class for half an hour about the importance of good behavior. “Now,” he says, “are there any questions?” One girl stands up timidly. “Please, sir,” she asks, “may we have our teacher back?” Eddie A. At a small art gallery, Miriam and her eight-year-old son, Solomon, were having a tough time choosing between two paintings. They finally chose the autumn-themed piece. “I see you prefer an autumn scene as opposed to a floral one,” said the gallery owner, who happened to be nearby and witnessed the mother-son interaction. “No,” said young Solomon. “This painting is wider, so it’ll cover the three holes I made in the wall.” Esther E. THE WISDOM OF SOLOMON HOLIDAYS ARE OVER STOP, THIEF The summer holiday was over and young Jack returned to yeshiva. Only two days later, his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that Jack was misbehaving. “Wait a minute,” the mother said. “I had Jack with me for six weeks and I never called you once when he misbehaved!” Marvin S. Sadly, even in Israel, they have shoplifters, and one day Ahmad was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch fromMoishe’s exclusive jewelry store. “Listen,” said Ahmad, “I know you don’t want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?” Moishe, the storeowner, agreed, and wrote up the sales slip. But then Ahmad looked at the slip and said, “This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you showme something less expensive?” Kenny H. BATTLE OF WITS Maurice arrives a bit early for a business appointment. The receptionist points to a comfortable easy chair and asks him to be seated for a while. Maurice settles down, picks up a magazine, and tries to read. However, he cannot concentrate because he is distracted due to a ruckus coming from behind one of the doors leading away from the reception area. Maurice goes over to the receptionist and asks, “What’s going on in there?” “It’s a partners meeting,” she replies. “But why are they shouting at each other?” Maurice asks. “It’s a high-stakes battle of wits,” she explains. “Between whom?” “Horowits, Lebowits, Rabbinowits and Abramowits.” David M. When our school librarian announced she was changing schools, my fellow teacher asked a student, “Why do you think Ms. Richardson is leaving?” The third grader opined, “Because she’s read all our books?” Ralph B. MOVING ON 94 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE