Community Magazine August 2016

OPEN WIDE The Epstein family was on the way to the hospital where their teenager Rachel was scheduled to undergo a tonsillectomy. During the ride they discussed how the procedure would be performed. “Dad,” Rachel asked, “how are they going to keep my mouth open during the surgery?” Without missing a beat Mr. Epstein replied, “They’re going to give you a phone.” Barbara H. CAN YOU CRACK US UP? Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations. Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. email: jokes@communitym.com online: go.communitym.com/jokes post mail: 1616 Ocean Parkway Brooklyn, NY 11223 Aman bought a car, which the salesman told him ran very peculiarly. In order to GO you needed to say “Baruch Hashem.” To STOP you had to say “Shema Yisrael.” As the man is driving his new car, he comes very close to a cliff. “Shema Yisrael!” he screams. The car stops. So relieved, he then exclaims, “Baruch Hashem!” Jennifer S. TEFILAT HA’DERECH NATURAL RESOURCES How does a tree go on the Internet? It logs on. Ron T. A QUACK OF A DOCTOR A man and his duck go to the vet. They go through to the treatment room and the doctor says, “Sir, what can I do for you today?” “I’ve brought my duck in today because it’s not feeling well,” the man says. The doctor feels the duck and says, “I’ll see what I can do.” He brings in a dog and the dog barks at the duck. The duck lifts its head up, but puts it back down again. “It didn’t work,” the man said. The doctor leaves the room once again and this time brings in a cat. The cat purrs and suddenly the duck gets up and looks good as new. “You’ve cured my duck!” the man says. Thank you!” “That will be $3,000 please,” the doctor replies. “Why are you charging me $3,000?” the man says. “You didn’t do anything at all!” The doctor says, “It’s $1,500 for the Lab test and $1,500 for the CAT scan.” The man sighs, points to his duck and says, “Put it on his bill.” Morris M. THE SECRET TO LOVE Mrs. Sapperstein invited her newly married great niece Rebecca over to her house for an afternoon tea. Rebecca was impressed by the way her great aunt preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms, calling him “Dear,” “Hubby,” “My Love,” “Darling, “ and “Sweet pie.” Amazingly, she had been married to him for almost 70 years, and it seemed they were still very much in love. Rebecca wanted to learn her secret. While Mr. Sapperstein was off in the garden, Rebecca leaned over and said, “I think it’s wonderful that, after all the years you’ve been married, you still call uncle those loving pet names. What’s your secret?” Mrs. Sapperstein hung her head and replied, “Oh, I forgot his name about ten years ago.” Jack R. Why don’t people eat clocks? Because it’s very time consuming. Laura L. TICK-TOCK TAMUZ - AV 5776 AUGUST 2016 95 of a a i bp Riddle: The Letter ‘e’ SUBMITTED BY: JACOB LEVY I start with an “e” and I end with an “e” but I only have one letter. What am I? Last Month’s Riddle: Defying Gravity What comes down but never goes up? Solution: Rain Solved by: Isaac Hamaoui, Rochelle Esses, Julia Jemal, Chaya Sutton, Sarah Cohen, Yola Haber, Rachel Cohen, Miriam Harary, Isaac Sasson, Emily V. Kassab, Mayer Chemtob, Dorna Delrahimnia, Jacqueline Saff, Shmuli Syndergaard, Rosie Husney, Mimi Haboba, and Shira Safia. *Note: Moshe Sutton submitted another plausible answer – dew. Junior Riddle: Up, Up, Up SUBMITTED BY: RUTHIE LEVY Whatcontinuallygoesupbutnevergoesdown? Last Month’s Junior Riddle: The Calendar We see it once in a year, twice in a week, but never in a day. What is it? Solution: The letter “e.” Solved by: Isaac Hamaoui, Avraham Sutton, Rochelle Esses, Julia Jemal, Chaya Sutton, Sarah Cohen, Yola Haber, Leslie Esses, Rachel Freue, Rachel Cohen, Miriam Harary, Jacob Levy, Emily V. Kassab, Rachel Salameh, Berta Nuseiri, Mayer Chemtob, Dorna Delrahimnia, Lillian Katri, Nathan Katri, Sally Katri, Jacqueline Saff, Shlomo Kamkhehji, Joey Hanon, Yoni C., Rosie Husney, Milo Sutton, Sara Cohen, Elliot Setton, Jeff Jammal, Rozzie Franco, Daniel Beyda and Abraham Beyda, Mimi Haboba, and Shira Safia. Send your solutions! online: go.communitym.com/riddle email: riddles@communitym.com post: 1616 Ocean Pkwy, Brooklyn, NY 11223 Correct solutions received by the 18th of each month will be noted in the next issue.