Community Magazine August 2016

A police officer pulled over a man for speeding. “Do you know how fast you were going?” he said. “I was trying to keep up with traffic,” replied the man. “There is no traffic,” the police officer said. The man answered, “That’s how far behind I am!” Elliott J. I have a joke about IKEA, but I can’t put together. Richard B. PLAY ON WORDS A MATTER OF OPINION IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES What do you call a skunk that flies? A smellicopter! Moshe Tabbouche A young artist exhibits his work for the first time and a well-known art critic is in attendance. The critic says to the young artist, “Would you like my opinion on your work?” “Yes,” says the artist. “It’s worthless,” says the critic. The artist replies, “I know, but tell me anyway.” Sylvia B. Mrs. Hoffman, a kindergarten teacher at King David Elementary School, is always amazed by the things her students say. Just last week she asked her class, “What is the shape of the earth? Does anyone know?” Little Rebecca Horowitz spoke up and said, “According to my Daddy - terrible!” Bobby T. LIFE IN THE FAST LANE SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED SIGN OF A GOOD ENTREPRENEUR A mall manager has three spaces to rent, all in a row. A prospective lessee by the name of John Smith shows up and says he wants to rent the space on the left for a men’s wear shop. “That’s fine,” the mall manager says. “You get free signage; what do you want on the sign?” “Men’s Wear,” says Smith. A second guy named Albert Coleman comes along and asks to rent the right hand space for his gentleman’s formal wear business. When asked, Coleman says he wants “Men’s Wear” on his sign. The mall manager tells him that the left hand shop will have the same sign. “No problem,” says Coleman. Finally a third man named Herman Rabinowitz comes along to rent the middle space. The manager is somewhat concerned because this guy also has a men’s wear shop. Warily the manager asks Rabinowitz what he wants on his sign. Rabinowitz replies: “Entrance.” Mark C. Abe Horowitz had been a salesman in the garment district all his life, but was getting tired of the constant battles with customers. So he decided to give up his job and become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked Abe how he liked his new role. “Well,” Abe replied, “the pay is terrible, the hours are too long, and I’ve gained 10 pounds because of all of these donuts, but the one thing I love is that the customer is always wrong.” Elliot B. A CAREER CHANGE TRY TO GUESS…. READY FOR COMBAT What do you call a magic owl? A who-dini What do you call fakemacaroni? ImPASTA What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An invest-igator C.C. Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because the octopus was well-armed. SamM. STREET SMARTS A young boy enters a barbershop and the barber whispers to his customers, “This kid is terrible at math. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand, and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which one do you want?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you,” said the barber. “That kid never learns.” Later, one of the customers sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. He says, “Hey there, can I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar bill, the game is over.” Joseph S. 94 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE