Community Magazine August 2016

24 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE Dedicated in memory of the pure neshamot of the Sassoon children neither the elderly, who would convene by the city’s gate, nor the youngsters, who would enjoy the fun of song and festivity. On a deeper level, however, this verse can be read to mean that the elders stopped trying to bring the youth away from their “singing” – from their partying. The adults permitted the youngsters to stay out late at night reveling with friends, without setting limits. The next verse reads, “… nehepach le’evel meholenu – our dances have been transformed tomourning.” Theword “ mehol ” (literally, “dance”) can be read as a derivative of theword “ mehila ” – forgiveness. Itwas our forgiving, lax attitude towards our children that resulted in our mourning. Parents adopted an approach of “ mehila ,” of leaving the children alone, hoping that eventually they would turn around. Not surprisingly, this turnaround never occurred, and an entire generation was raised without being accustomed to limits and constraints. And so this “ mehila ,” the parents’ permissiveness, eventually led to mourning. Because they did not enforce rules and limits, and instead permitted whatever the youth wanted, the society deteriorated to the point where it deserved to be destroyed. This message is also alluded to in the famous halacha introduced by the Mishna and codified in the Shulhan Aruch: “Mishenichnas Av mema’atin besimhah – When Av begins, we reduce our joy.” When the “ av ” – the father – comes along, the result should be a reduction of the child’s “joy,” because the father should not be allowing the child to do whatever he or she wants. Significantly, this halacha does not mean that we eliminate joy, Heaven forbid. We all want our children to be happy and content, at all times. But part of our responsibility as parents is “ mema’atin besimhah ,” to keep our children’s happiness in check, by setting reasonable limits and saying “no” when necessary. We have an obligation to do what we can to make and keep our children happy, but within appropriate boundaries. The process of rebuilding the Bet Hamikdash , our national “home,” begins with properly building our private homes. As mentioned, we have a very limited amount of control over what other people do, but within our homes, we have authority which we need to exert. This must be done wisely, prudently, delicately, and in proper measure, but we cannot neglect this responsibility. It is perhaps not a coincidence that the season of mourning for the Bet Hamikdash always occurs during the weeks of summer vacation. This is a period when our time is less structured, and rules are relaxed. And thus specifically during these weeks, we need the reminder of “ mema’atin besimhah ,” that while we and our children all deserve and should experience a happy and fun summer vacation, the level of fun must be kept in check. Summertime is not an excuse for unrestrained enjoyment, for removing all limits and boundaries. If we faithfully and determinedly fulfill our obligations as parents, then Gd, our loving and compassionate Father, will grant us His blessings, will bring an end to the trials and tribulations of exile, and will once again reside among us in the rebuilt Mikdash, speedily and in our times, amen .