Community Magazine August 2016

22 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE Dedicated in memory of the pure neshamot of the Sassoon children without having to go through the struggle of discipline, without having to hear the children’s angry complaints and protests. But nobody said parenting is easy or is supposed to be easy. We hope and pray for Gd’s assistance, but experienced parents know very well that there is no such thing as an “easy child.” Each and every child poses his or her own sets of challenges. And setting limits is one of the major challenges of parenting, but onewhichwe can ill afford to avoid through permissiveness. I often hear parents tell me, “But my son [or daughter] is my best friend. I don’t want to ruin our relationship by putting my foot down.” This, too, is a terriblemistake. We do not have children for them to be our best friends. Of course, we need to show them love, friendship and support, and build deep, meaningful relationships with them. But we also need to show them how to live, and this oftentimes requires imposing and enforcing rules which they do not like. It is a difficult challenge, but it is our sacred duty. We cannot abdicate this responsibility for the sake of convenience or because of our “friendship” with our children. I was once speaking to a man in the community who told me how proud he was of his daughter. She was at a pool party where boys and girls swam together, and when she saw that things were “getting out of hand,” she left. I told him that I thought his daughter should be commended, but her parents should not be. Why did they let her go to such a party? If he disapproves of such inappropriate conduct, then why was she permitted to attend in the first place? It is difficult and aggravating to say to one’s son or daughter, “Why are you leaving the house dressed like that?” or “Tell me where you are going and when you will be back.” It is a challenge to wake up a teenage son during vacation so he could attend the minyan on time. It is far easier to leave them alone and hope that somehow, someday, they’ll get it right. But this is irresponsible. Gd gave us children for us to raise and educate to become His faithful servants. Needless to say, there are never any guarantees, and even the children of the greatest parents will not necessarily turn out the way we want. But we have to try, even when it is difficult. Rabbis throughout the ages have offered different explanations for why this month, the month of the Temple’s destruction, is called “Av,” which means “father.” In light ofwhatwehave seen, the answer might be, very simply, that failed parenting is the primary cause of the tragedy we mourn in this month. When parents ceased being parents, and did not go through the trouble of educating their children, the moral and religious fabric of the nation naturally declined, resulting in the fall of Jerusalem. When “Forgiveness” Leads to Mourning Towards the end of Megilat Echah (5:14), we wail, “Zekenim bashaar shavatu bahurim mineginatam,” which literally means, “The elders were no longer by the gate; nor the young men in their singing.” According to the plain reading of this verse, it laments the fact that nobody remained in Jerusalem –