Community Magazine August 2016

20 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE Dedicated in memory of the pure neshamot of the Sassoon children These two words change everything, and give all parents a great deal to think about, especially during the season when we mourn and reflect upon the loss of the Bet Hamikdash and the spiritual causes of our exile. Why is Kamtza held partially accountable for this tragedy? Quite simply, because of the way his son turned out. If Bar Kamtza could do something so outrageously cruel to avenge a slight to his honor, then part of the blame rests with his parents. And thus, indeed, “Jerusalem was destroyed because of Kamtza and Bar Kamtza.” It was destroyed because of the sins of Bar Kamtza, which were the result of the sin of Kamtza – namely, his failure to properly educate his child. With this in mind, we can return to the other Talmudic passage cited above, attributing Jerusalem’s destruction to the fact that people did not reprimand one another. True, criticism and rebuke are, very often, not an option. However, there is one context where it most certainly is possible, and is in fact vital – parenting. The Gemara means to say that parents did not fulfill their obligation as parents, their responsibility to criticize their children when necessary in order to steer them in the right direction. The children thus grew into “Bar Kamtzas,” immoral and corrupt people, and this led to the destruction of Jerusalem. This novel explanation of the Gemara is not one which I came up with on my own. I was privileged to hear this insight many years ago from our great rabbi, Hacham Baruch Ben-Haim, zt”l , in one of the last lectures he delivered before his passing. He was lamenting the spiritual ills that plagued our community, and then a man in the audience raised his hand and asked, “So what do you want us to do? You’ve mentioned all the problems – what are we supposed to do about them?” The rabbi answered, “Start in your own home, in your own family. Teach your children the right way a Jew is supposed to live.” And he shared the insight presented above. It all starts at home. We have very limited control over what our neighbors do, what other community members do, or what Jews in other communities do. But the place where we can and must exert control and authority is within our home, in raising our children. This is where we can make an impact. This is where gentle, constructive criticism and enforcing appropriate limits is warranted, and where the mitzvah of rebuke is fully applicable and vitally important. Our Challenge and Duty Some people, I am afraid, have it backwards. They are quick to shout – literally or figuratively – in protest of things in the community that are not to their liking, but fail to exert authority over their children, and instead allow them to act as they wish, without setting reasonable limits. This is not to say that disciplining children is a simple matter. There are several different reasons why many parents avoid discipline, the most common of which, perhaps, is convenience. Let’s face it – it’s far easier not to bother, to allow our children to do what they want Selection, Satisfaction www.gcnymarketing.com 877.5.LINENS • www.elegantlinen.com Brooklyn: 5719 NewUtrecht Ave. Tel.718.871.3535 Hrs:Sun-Thurs10-6,Fri10-2,Tue.Till9 1910 Avenue M. Bklyn, NY11230 T.718.972.3535 Hours:Sun-Thurs10:30-6:30,Fri10-2 Lakewood: 6764-B Rt. 9 S Howell Tel.732.905.9444 Hrs:Sun-Wed10-6,Thurs10-9,Fri10-2 NOW IN FLATBUSH