Community Magazine July 2016

SIVAN - TAMUZ 5776 JULY 2016 77 Health & Wellness HEALTHY Homelife L ast month in this column, the “I” message was introduced as an effective communication tool for the “sender,” someone who wishes to relay information. This month, we focus on active listening, an equally effective tool for the receiver of the message. What is active listening? “Active listening” requires fully concentrating on what is being said to you in order to understand another’s perspective even, and especially, if it differs from your own. Who should use active listening? Everyone! As “receivers,” we should allow the speaker to finish his or her thoughts and ideas, without interrupting to “correct the facts.” For instance, suppose your spouse (using a proper “I” statement) says: “I was very upset when you got home at 7:30 last night, after you said you would be home at 6:30.” You would acknowledge his feelings rather than interrupting to say “I got home at 7:15! Stop exaggerating!” Why use active listening? Active listening promotes mutual understanding. By listening to another person express their feelings, we show them that we are interested and respect them. The deep concentration we give them conveys that we care about the person speaking, not about having the last word or being right. When should you use active listening? All the time, but especially when there is a conflict about an issue. Set aside your own feelings about the topic and focus on trying to understand the perspective of the person sharing his thoughts with you. This is especially important when feelings of frustration are being communicated. Though your first instinct may be to react and defend yourself, hold back the impulse and instead try to understand why the person feels the way they do. How do you listen actively? This is a 3-part technique: 1. Mirror key points – simply repeat what you have heard the speaker say without adding any of your own commentary or corrections. 2. Validate their feelings – express howwhat they have said makes sense to you. 3. Empathize – If you have understood them correctly, you will be able to imagine their feelings. Try to vocalize your interpretation to them. If it turns out that you have guessed wrong, ask them to explain again. Used together, active listening and “I” messages will increase understanding and decrease conflict between people. Try these techniques at home with your spouse, relatives or friends. I’m confident you will see a difference in your interactions! I welcome your questions or comments about “I” messages and active listening. Email mozelle.relationshipsbydesign@ gmail.com with your thoughts! Mozelle Forman is a clinical social worker in private practice for 20 years. She welcomes your comments at mozelle.relationshipsbydesign@gmail.com . Active Listening MOZELLE FORMAN Allenhurst Deal Elberon Interlaken Loch Arbour Long Branch Oakhurst West Deal West Long Branch Doc’s delivers to your DOOR in July and August! DOC ’ S PHARMACY 559 KINGS HIGHWAY (Bet. E. 4th & 5th Streets) TEL: 718.627.1145 FAX: 718.627.2193 CURB SIDE SERVICE FREE DELIVERY The only Brooklyn Pharmacy with a proven track record of delivering to your HOME on the Jersey shore on a regular basis . THE ONLY PHARMACY DELIVERING TO DEAL FOR 30 YEARS.