Community Magazine June 2016

What did the magician say to the fisherman? “Pick a cod, any cod.” Why did the horse cross the road? To visit his neigh -bors. What is the best time to trim a beard? Daylight shaving time. What did Mozart’s mom say to him when he was misbehaving? “Compose yourself!” What did the seal call the painting? “Art, art, art!” What sport do astronauts play? Spaceball. How did the egg get off the bus? It used the eggs-it. What type of soda do you drink when you’re looking at a map? Route beer. What is a rock’s favorite food? Pome-granite. Helen T. PEOPLE PROBLEMS YOU’VE GOT MAIL PLAY ON WORDS WHAT’S THE BEST TIME TO GO TO THE DENTIST? An individual applied for a customer-service job. When asked what he might not like about the job, he replied: “Dealing with people”. Hal D. What did the stamp say to the envelope? You stick with me and I will take you places! A.J. Amaylie: Want to hear an herb joke? Miett: Sure. Amaylie: Never mind. I don’t have thyme right now. Albert M. Tooth-hurty Merlene B. TIDBITS LAUGHS! ANSWER ME THIS…. “I was standing outside waiting for a bus the other day and a man came up to me and said, ‘You know, while you’ve been standing here, 2,000 acres of rainforest have been destroyed!’ Well, I won’t stand there from now on,” I replied. “Problem solved!” Bertha Diamond NO INTERNET CONNECTION When I call a family meeting, I turn off the house WiFi and wait for them all to come running. The Shmulster Why do people leave cars worth thousands of dollars in their driveways and keep useless junk locked up in their garage? Why the sun lights out hair but darkens our skin. Why we don’t ever see the headline “Psychic Wins the Lottery! ” Why “abbreviated” is such a large word. Why doctors and attorneys call what they do “practice.” Why a man who invests all your money is called a “broker.” Karen S. STAR STUDENT “Knock-knock!” “Who’s there?” “Windows” “Windows who?” “Windows school start? I don’t want to be late!” Elena B. CAN YOU CRACK US UP? Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations. Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. email: jokes@communitym.com online: go.communitym.com/jokes post mail: 1616 Ocean Parkway Brooklyn, NY 11223 One golfer was so used to cheating on his scorecard that, one day, he hit a hole-in-one and marked his scorecard “O.” Jack V. Grazi LIAR, LIAR JUST WONDERING 94 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE