Community Magazine January 2016

78 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE THE SIDE THE WAVE A Jewish lady’s grandson is playing in the water while she is standing on the beach not wanting to get her feet wet, when all of a sudden a huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly over the spot where the boy is wading. The water recedes and the boy is no longer there. He simply vanished. She holds her hands to the sky, screams and cries, “Hashem, how could you? Have I not been a wonderful grandmother? Have I not been a wonderful mother? Have I not given charity? Have I not donated my time for others? Have I not lit candles every Friday night at sunset? Have I not tried my very best to live a life that you would be proud of?” A loud voice booms from the sky, “OKAY, OKAY!” A few minutes later another huge wave appears out of nowhere and crashes on the beach. As the water recedes, the boy is standing there, smiling, splashing around as if nothing had ever happened. The loud voice booms again, “I HAVE RETURNED YOUR GRANDSON. ARE YOU SATISFIED NOW?” She responds, “He had a hat!” Marcia E. EMERGENCY LANDING An El Al 747 was flying the busy Tel Aviv-New York route when the plane began having engine trouble. The pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. “All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.” David Z. LIFE INSURANCE Airman Benjamin Cohen was assigned to advise new recruits about GI Insurance. Captain Smith noticed that he had almost a 100% record for sales. Amazed, the captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Cohen’s pitch. Cohen explained the basics of GI Insurance, then said, “If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $600,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don’t have GI Insurance and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6,000.” “So you tell me,” he concluded, “who do you think they’re going to send into battle first?” Marvin L. BAD MEMORY Alice and Henry were on a car trip when they stopped at Joey’s Kosher Delicatessen for lunch. Alice left her glasses on the table, but didn’t realize it until they were back on the highway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around. Henry fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant. “Oh, Alice, always with the forgetting! Now we have to go all the way back, and for what?!” When they finally arrived, as Alice got out of the car to retrieve her glasses, Henry said, “While you’re in there, you may as well get my hat, too.” Frieda D. FIRST DAY AT SCHOOL Before sending her son off for his first day at school, Mrs. Horowitz hugged him and said: “Good luck, my sweet bubbeleh . Be good, dear bubbeleh , and work hard. And remember, my bubbeleh , at lunch time eat all of your food and play nicely with the other children. Oh, bubbeleh , I’m so proud of you!” That afternoon, when little Horowitz returned home, his mother cried: “ Bubbeleh , my sweet bubbeleh , give your mother a hug! So, tell me, what did you learn at school today?” “Well,” said the boy, “to start with, I learned that my name is Aaron.” Susan H. “The tag of her earlobe that died.” Translation of a Lord & Taylor ad that appeared in the NY Times. They mistakenly used a ‘tav’ for each ‘chet’.