Community Magazine July 2014

Si•to (sĭtō) Grandmother[Arabic] Ask ito YOU CAN ASK SITO! Send in your toughest queries and requests for the wisdom of Sito mobile: Scan the QR code at right online: go.CommunityM.com/ask email: Ask@CommunityM.com facsimile: 718-504-4246 postal mail: 1616 Ocean Parkway Brooklyn, NY 11223 92 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE Dear Sito , My great aunt, may she live and be well, is in her 80s and she lives alone. Thankfully, she is in pretty good health, but I always worry about her. My family doesn’t get to visit her very often. I don’t think she would agree to move to a nursing home, but what if something happens to her? I don’t know how to bring up this conversation with my family, and I could use some advice. Concerned FamilyMember Your concern is admirable, and the task you’ve taken upon yourself is a sensitive one. Our elderly family members are among the most precious things in our lives, as they are the bearers of our history, offer us their profound wisdom, and inspire us with the sense of serenity that comes from a life well lived. We have so much to learn from them, and the more time we spend with them, the more joyful they are and the wiser we become. And therefore your concern for your aunt’s wellbeing is well-placed, and reflects the respect that you have for the older members of your family. In determining your best course of action, you should first try to obtain more information about your aunt’s situation. It appears from your letter that she values her independence and would not agree to move into an old folks’ home, and thus the focus should be on how to keep her safe in her own home. Is she able to cook and manage basic housekeeping, and if not, is there a housekeeper around to help her? Can she do her shopping and errandswithout assistance? Even if she does not require full-time help, she may need additional assistance with basic household management. Another area of concern when dealing with individuals living alone is the emotional need for companionship. Is she able to get around on her own? Does she have any social outlets? How involved are your family members in this aspect of her life? Does she have children or other family members who pay regular visits? Bear in mind that even if she has family members, they may be very busy or live far away and thus cannot visit or care for her on a consistent basis. These are the particular questions that need to be asked in determining whether your aunt’s needs are being cared for in her current living conditions. Armed with this information, approach your family, and respectfully express your concern about the particular needs which you feel are not being adequately provided for your great aunt, emphasizing that you are willing to help out. Suggest some specific ideas, such as setting up a visitation schedule with your cousins so that your aunt has a visitor at least a few times a week. This will enhance her quality of life, enable her to maintain a close relationship with her family, and make her more comfortable requesting help when she needs it. A set schedule of visits will also alleviate your concern, and you know that people are with her on a regular basis. If you voice your concerns respectfully, noting particular areas of need and specific ideas for meeting them, you are likely to receive a favorable response that will help ensure your great aunt’s wellbeing and joy during this late stage of her life. All the best, Sito Dear Concerned Family Member,