Community Magazine June 2014

58 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE Child abuse is a subject nobody wants to hear or talk about. It is just too uncomfortable. Unfortunately, however, we can no longer sweep it under the carpet. Keeping quiet is a large part of the problem, and education is a large part of the solution. The time has come to finally address this taboo topic.  It is difficult to face the fact that someone we know and trust may be molesting our children. But the fact is that it does happen, and more often than we’d like to acknowledge. As parents, we need to be educated about what to watch for and how to create safe environments in our homes and throughout our community. Adults must act on their commitment to keeping kids safe by learning to recognize and respond to inappropriate behaviors around children before they are harmed.   TALKING MATTERS One in five adults report that they were abused as children - an experience that often increases the risks of aggression, substance abuse, eating disorders and other difficulties. And as many as 90 percent of child abuse cases occur when a child knows and trusts the abuser. By educating ourselves, we can become a powerful force in making our homes and our community a safer place for our precious children. MHR, the mental health referral service of Sephardic Bikur Holim, has put together a group of volunteers trained in how to keep our children safe and protect them from predators. While this issue may seem too overwhelming and frightening for parents to address, knowledge and awareness can be empowering tools. To this end, MHR has created TALKING MATTERS, a one-hour preventative workshop. Parents are taught how to speak to their children about this sensitive subject, how to avoid specific dangers, and how to identify signs of abuse. Parents can set up their own Talking Matters workshop with a group of 10-15 moms by calling 718-787-0009. STRATEG IES FOR KEEPING YOUR CHILD SAFE: Be on top of all adult-child relationships . A predator will work hard at creating a strong bond with the child while “separating” him or her from the parents.  Create comfortable and open relationships with your children from a young age . This will help ensure that they will come to you if they have questions, concerns or fears about certain individuals.  Validate your children’s feelings . Don’t minimize their emotions. Build their trust in you so they know you will believe them no matter what they need to tell you.  Teach your children that:  • No “secrets” can be kept from Mommy . Make it clear that if someone tells them not to tell Mommy something, that’s the first sign that they should come to you and that they will be rewarded for doing so.  • No one, even people they know, is allowed to touch the parts of their bodies that are covered by a bathing suit . The only exceptions are Mommy at bath time and the doctor when Mommy is in the room.  • If anyone touches them in a way that makes them uncomfortable, they are allowed to say “No” - even if it’s an adult.  COURAGE TO HEAL Abuse victims are likely to suffer in many different areas of their lives unless they receive professional help. Unfortunately, however, many victims either aren’t aware that help is available, don’t know where to turn, or are too ashamed or scared to seek help. MHR has therefore launched Courage to Heal , an anonymous, confidential helpline. Victims of abuse and molestation can call to tell their story and seek comfort, understanding and emotional support. MHR’s staff will make referrals from its comprehensive list of resources, which include the most qualified professionals, to provide counseling. The helpline is also open to any callers who may have questions about this sensitive subject.  If you have been abused in the past or are currently being abused, please don’t suffer in silence. MHR can help you take the first step toward healing. It’s never too late. Call Courage To Heal at (718) 787-0009 Monday through Thursday 10 AM to 4 PM. All calls are kept strictly confidential.  KEEPING YOUR CHILD SAFE IN AN UNSAFE WORLD SIGNS OF ABUSE IN CHILDREN: While the following signsmay be symptoms of many different problems, they are “red flags” that should alert the parents to the need to communicate with their child about what’s going on in his or her life, and can occasionally signal abuse: • Sudden or unexplained change in personality. • Avoidance of school, shul or any specific place where they had always felt comfortable in the past. • Resisting being left alone with a particular person – whether it’s an adult, teen or child – for no specific reason. • Significant change in eating habits, either overeating or undereating. • Nightmares, extreme fears or sleep problems that have no explanation. • Increased secrecy regarding internet or cell phone use. • Aggression, irritability or misbehavior that was not apparent previously. • Social relationships with older friends who give them money, gifts or privileges. • Regressive behaviors such as bedwetting. • Tendency to isolate themselves or the opposite – fear of being left alone.