Community Magazine March 2014

THE SIDE POULTRY PHENOMENON Aman was driving along a rural road when he realized he had to make a phone call. Miles away from a pay phone, he decided to stop in at the next farmhouse. As he was approaching a house, he noticed a three-legged chicken racing along the road. He followed the chicken and clocked it at 45 miles per hour. When the man got to the farmhouse he asked the farmer about the chicken. The farmer replied, “Well, when I was at the university, I studied genetics. Around these parts we love chicken and we’re all partial to the drumstick, so I thought I’d see if I could make a three-legged chicken. So, here it is.” The man was quite impressed. He asked, “How does it taste?” The farmer replied, “Don’t know. No one has been able to catch one yet.” Yitzy D. THE TOWN OF... Two American tourists were driving through Europe. They found a kosher restaurant, but they couldn’t figure out how to pronounce the name of the neighborhood they were in. One of them decided to ask the waitress that was passing by their table, “Would you please say where we are – very slowly?” “Kosher Deluxe,” she said, slowly. A. C. ENJOYING THE FOOD Mike was a poor old man whose shop was next door to a very upscale French restaurant. Every day at lunchtime, Mike would go to the back of his shop and eat his sandwich and soda while smelling the wonderful odors coming from the restaurant’s kitchen. One morning, Mike was surprised to receive an invoice in the mail from the adjoining restaurant for “enjoyment of food.” Mystified, he marched right over to the restaurant to point out that he had not bought a thing from them. “You’re enjoying our food,” the manager said, “so you should pay us for it.” Old Mike refused to pay, and so the restaurant took him to court. At the hearing, the judge asked the restaurant to present their side of the case. The manager said, “Every day, this man smells our food while eating his. It is clear that we are providing added value to his poor food, and we deserve to be compensated for it.” The judge turned to Mike and said, “What do you have to say to that?” The old man didn’t say a thing but smiled and stuck his hand in his pocket and rattled the few coins he had inside. “What are you doing that for?” the judge asked. The old man replied with a mile wide grin, “I’m paying for the smell of his food with the sound of my money.” Y. D. PONDERABLES Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dish washing liquid is made with real lemons? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat has shown up? Why do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy their cigarettes at the front of the store? Why do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight? Why do people order jumbo hamburgers, large fries, and a diet coke? Jack V. Grazi SARDINES Eli and Haim were eating at a restaurant. Eli ordered a pastrami sandwich and Haim ordered sardines. Eli said, “Haim, don’t you know bigger fish eat sardines for breakfast?” Haim asked, “Really, how do they get the can open?” Joseph G . SLOW SERVICE Service in the restaurant was abysmally slow. Sam was starting to get annoyed, so Sarah tried to distract him with small talk. “You know, our friend Rachel should be having her baby anytime now.” “Really,” he snapped. “She wasn’t even expecting when we walked in here.” Abe Cohen 98 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE