Community Magazine March 2014

58 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE A Humorous look at Unique Dining Experiences DAVE GORDON Imagine eating dinner with another person, in complete silence. The only thing you hear are the clinks of glasses, cutlery and food chewing. Except in this scenario, the diners aren’t fuming, giving each other the silent treatment. They’re not in a dispute – the silence is mandatory. T he idea of dining in quiet has developed into something of a trend in the restaurant world – what can best be described as silent restaurants, where no talking or noise is permitted. One such restaurant is located in Brooklyn, called Eat. In London, it’s called Silent Dinner Parties. Using the Mouth Only for Eating The benefits of eating in these establishments include not having to force conversation, being able to just eat without pausing in between chomps to interject a sentence, and just being able to dine in peace. When the Eat restaurant first opened, head chef Nicholas Nauman told the media that he was inspired to open the establishment after spending time in India, where Buddhist monks eat their breakfast in silence. Breakfast in silence, imagine! We Jews would have a slightly different take. In the kosher world, this concept would have an added bonus – going out with the family for a silent meal means avoiding the whining and nagging of certain relatives. This is where you’d take your in-laws or parents so you wouldn’t have to answer the recurring questions about why you don’t call or visit so often. Sorry, ma, it’s not my fault – see the “no talking” sign? Then again, the sweetest revenge for a Jewish parent is to know that your grown child has to just sit there, in silence, staring blankly, hearkening back to the days when the idea of standing quiet in the corner was punitive. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t “talk”; that is, communicate in some manner. People would understand for the duration of the meal the notion of all-you-can-text. This is likely the only dining situation – under the circumstances – where texting’s welcomed with a wink and a smile. Or, an emoticon wink and a smile. Either way, it’s an extension of what we do at our office desks, at red lights, and in the supermarket line-up. Only here, you feel like it’s cheating, but in a good way. Like a halachic loophole, or a heter , without having to do any opinion shopping. The downside to this dining experience, though, is if you’re with folks that have bad mime skills. Pass the salt, or the pepper?! Are you waving your hand in front of your open mouth because the food’s too hot, or you’re saying I have bad breath? You’re shaking something… it’s… you’re pointing to what? You want an elephant with flaming nostrils? Huh?? Clearly, playing a few games of charades over the course of a lifetime is a prerequisite. In our fantasy kosher version, our community would have plenty of hard-hitting questions for the local rabbi. Regarding birkat hamazon , can you merely mouth the words “Rabbotai nevarech” ? Does that count? And can you even say a berachah over food by just mouthing it (though some of us do that already, but let’s not go there)? In the spirit of nonverbal, customers at Eat fill out their food preferences on a card, which is then sent to the kitchen. Just two choices: S for seafood, or V for vegetarian. Unbearable, if this were kosher. Last time I was given just two dinner choices was at a wedding: fish or chicken. What – you want me to not talk for an hour, and then you have the chutzpah to make me choose from just two menu items? So, we have irony: in the noisiest and raucous of cities, NewYork, there’s a public place – besides a library or museum – where people have to zip their lips. If you would like to simulate the experience of