Community Magazine February 2014

THE SIDE SQUEEZING IN A local restaurant was so sure that its chef was the strongest man around that it offered a $1,000 bet that no one could squeeze a single drop more from a lemon the chef had already squeezed. Men from almost every walk of life had tried and failed. One day, a scrawny little man wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit walked into the bar. “I’d like to try the bet,” he said. After the laughter died down, the chef grabbed a lemon and squeezed the juice. Then he handed the wrinkled remains to the little man. The crowd’s laughter turned to silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon. Six drops fell into the glass! The patrons erupted into cheers. As the bartender handed over the $1,000, he asked what the little man did for a living. “I work for the IRS,” he answered. Albert Antar GETTING GAS A very cheap fellow needed gas but didn’t want to pay for it. He went to the gas station and asked the man at the counter how much one drop of gas costs. The man told him it was free. “So fill up my car one drop at a time,” the fellow said. D. D. TAKING THE STAIRS Aman who owned a building of 100 floors wanted to visit the rooftop with three friends, and he decided they would take the stairs. To pass the time, they would tell jokes for 30 floors, tell stories for 30 floors, and tell jokes again for the final 40 floors. When they got to the 99th floor, the owner said, “I have a joke – I left the keys downstairs.” A. S. PROSECUTING THE CASE An attorney was prosecuting a case involving a man driving over the speed limit. The defense counsel was beginning to lose his cool with the police witnesses and wanted to show that they their facts were wrong. “People make mistakes, don’t they Officer Lock?” he demanded of one witness. “Yes sir,” came the reply. “I’m Officer Webster.” .... The defense lost. Jack V. Grazi CAR MECHANIC While working at an auto me- chanic shop, we had a co-worker who was on a waiting list for a heart transplant. One day the phone rang and the girl up front answered. It was the hospital with good news. “Sam,” she yelled, “your parts are in!” Steve S. COMPETITION A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door, displaying a huge sign which read “Best Deals.” He was then horrified when yet another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading “Lowest Prices.” The shopkeeper started to panic, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read, “Main Entrance.” Nathan H THE ECONOMY… The economy is getting so bad that the other day the ATM said IOU. Dorna D. FOR FREE Aman wanted to get rid of a real- ly old refrigerator, so he put on it a sign that read, “Free refrigerator.” However, everybody who saw it thought it was broken, and so nobody took it. Seeing that it was still there, the man decided to change tactics. He put on it a sign that said “Refrigerator: $100.” The next day, someone stole it. Morris Guindi CUSTOMER SERVICE I’m not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... she leaned over and pushed me. Michael Levy 90 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE