Community Magazine January 2014

THE SIDE ANSWER THE PHONE Awoman was at home with her children when the telephone rang. As she went to answer it, she tripped on a rug, grabbed for something to hold on to and seized the telephone table. It fell onto the floor with a crash, jarring the receiver off the hook. The woman’s one-year-old son woke up from the noise and broke into loud screams. The woman mumbled in frustration. She finally managed to pick up the receiver and lift it to her ear, just in time to hear her husband’s voice on the other end say, “Nobody’s said ‘hello’ yet, but I’m positive I have the right number.” Yitzy D. GOOD MEMORIES Back in the year 1947, radio station WOR had a great 15-minute program in the late afternoon called “The Answer Man.” Listeners would mail in their questions, and, after some research, the radio audience was treated to the answers to some of the most unusual queries. One response that I remember was to the conundrum of “Why do women buy things?” Here are the seven reasons: 1. Because everybody has it. 2. Because nobody has it. 3. Because its price was marked down. 4. Because it was expensive. 5. Because it was inexpensive. 6. Because it is in style. 7. Because it is out of style. Osher Lehmann MAKING BREAKFAST Awife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. “Careful,” he said. “Careful! Put in some more butter! You’re cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them now! We need more butter. Where are we going to get more butter? They’re going to stick! Careful! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you’re cooking. Turn them! Hurry up! Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt.” The wife stared at him. “What’s wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?” The husband calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.” Abe Cohen SPEED LIMIT A cop pulls over an elderly man for driving too slowly. “Officer, what’s wrong?” he asks. “I was going the speed limit, 22 miles an hour!” “Sir, that’s the route number,” says the officer. Just then he notices the man’s wife in the passenger seat. Her eyes are bulging, and she’s as white as a ghost. “What’s wrong with her?” the cop asks. “Oh, she’ll be all right,” the man said reassuringly. “We just got off Route I88.” A. C. RECALL A few old couples got together to talk about life. One of the men, named Harry, started talking about this fantastic restaurant he went to the other night with his wife. “Really?” one of the men said. “What’s it called?” After thinking for a few seconds Harry said, “What are those good smelling flowers called again?” “Do you mean a rose?” the first man questioned. “Yes, that’s it!” he exclaimed. Looking over at his wife he said, “Rose, what’s that restaurant we went to the other night?” Frieda Mizrahi STAYING HEALTHY Grandpa Jack was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and young he appeared. “Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success,” he cackled. “I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now.” The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime. “Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, instead of arguing, we would go outside and take a walk.” Sarah Dwek 98 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE