Community Magazine January 2014

Mabrouk on your Daughter’s Engagement! So your daughter got engaged. As the father of SIX daughters, I address you now from experience. The time of a child’s engagement is usually a whirlwind of emotions, things to take care of, and huge expenses, and many people – even responsible budgeters – feel that they completely lose financial control by the time they walk their children down the aisle. Because the costs associated with making a wedding are so high, and because it is so easy for expenses to spiral out of control, correct financial management is critical at this time. Otherwise, people can end up with a mountain of debt that takes years, or even a lifetime, to climb out of. It is wise, therefore, to plan your wedding budget in a way that will not leave you with insurmountable debts – or, Gd forbid, with tension and aggravation instead of simhah . In order to keep wedding finances under control, you need to go in with a budget plan – preferably a written plan – that reflects the total amount you will be spending as well as the approximate amount you wish to spend on each aspect of the wedding. No plan is perfect, and unexpected expenses will always come up, but at least if you have a plan you have a chance of remaining in the driver’s seat instead of being dragged along for a joyride of spontaneous purchases. Consult with the Right People The costs of making a wedding vary greatly depending on factors such your standard of living, your overall financial situation and, realistically, who the conswegro are. Since at this point you have no idea how much things should cost, we recommend that you consult with people who have made weddings before, who are financially responsible, and whose standard of living and income bracket are similar to yours. These people should be able to give you an idea of what the total cost of making a wedding is, and what each aspect of the wedding will cost. Many people who have married off children keep comprehensive lists of all that needs to be bought, and you should be able to find people in your social stratum who would be willing to share this information with you. Settle on a Budgetary Figure Once you have done your research and calculated how much things should cost, you should decide on a figure that realistically reflects both the approximate cost of making a wedding and the amount you can afford to spend. There are four major categories of wedding-related expenses: 1. The wedding itself: hall, caterer, music, photography, flowers, hazzanim, etc. 2. Gifts and clothing: jewelry, bride/groom gifts, wedding gown, clothing for the entire family, hair and nail appointments, etc. 3. Other events: engagement party/meet the family, shower, sebet, sheva berachot . 4. Setting up a home: furniture, appliances, kitchen equipment, linens, etc. (Financial support for the couple is not included in the wedding budget since it is an ongoing expense, not a one-time expense, but if you are going to be helping the couple financially after the wedding, you need to take that into account when building your wedding budget). Break down your overall budget into these four major categories by allocating amounts for each one. Then, break each category down further by writing down how much you plan to spend on each item within that category. Be Flexible Not all your projections will be 100 percent accurate – you may spend more on some items and less on others – but going shopping with a ballpark figure of how much you plan to spend will help you stay within range of your budget. Adjustments to your budget should not be made on the spur of the moment or when you are under stress. (“What stress?” you say). Those are the times when you think or say things like, “A wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime-experience,” or “My child deserves only the best,” or, “Some things are more important than money.” These statements may be true, but they are generally not a good excuse for spending more than you planned. Making a wedding involves walking a delicate balance between the bride, the groom, the conswegro and what you can afford. You want your daughter to have the best of everything, and you want to do your utmost to ensure the future happiness of the young couple. But it is important to acknowledge – and to explain to your daughter – that she may not be able to have everything, and that you and she will have to choose how to use the money you have at your disposal in the most beneficial way. If the bride understands this, then instead of making demands – or even polite requests – and becoming upset when she does not get the things that her friends have, she will be able to decide what really matters to her and make her choices accordingly Once again, mabrouk ! Mesila is a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families and businesses in Israel, the US, Canada, and England achieve financial stability and independence. For further information please contact us at info@mesilainternational.org . DOLLAR $ AND SENSE RABBI MAX ANTEBY Mesila presents... 56 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE