Community Magazine December 2013

THE SIDE TROUBLE Doctor: What seems to be the trouble? Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hear what I say. Doctor: What seems to be the trouble? S. Schweky WAITING ROOM The doctor’s office was crowded as usual, but the doctor was moving at a snail’s pace. After waiting two hours, an old man slowly stood up and started walking toward the door. “Where are you going?” the receptionist called out. “Well,” he said, “I figured I’d go and wait it out in the comfort of my own home.” S. D . STICKING TO THE RULES Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. A young student nurse found an elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet. He insisted that he did not need her help to leave the hospital, but after a chat about the hospital’s rules that must be obeyed, he reluctantly let the nurse wheel him to the elevator. On the way down, the nurse asked if his wife would be meeting him. “I don’t know,” he replied. “She is still upstairs getting changed from the hospital gown...” Jack V. Grazi BEACH CONCERNED Aman drove to the beach and parked his car close to the water’s edge, not realizing it was low tide. He then went for a long hike up into the mountains. During his excursion, high tide came and then receded, completely submersing his car for a period of time in the process. When he finally returned to his car, he was very concerned when he discovered that he had tuna in his Mercury! Sarah Dweck LIVE A LONG LIFE Awoman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long happy life?” “I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a 12-pack of soda a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise.” “That’s amazing,” said the woman. “How old are you?” “Twenty-six.” Abe Cohen CONFUSED WITH CANDY When Michael opened up his Simhat Torah bag, he took out the cowboys and Indians set and ate one of the little plastic horses. His parents, afraid of the damage it would do to his stomach, rushed him to the hospital where his condition was diagnosed as “Stable.” Yamir Safdieh SAY WHAT? An elderly man visited a doctor for his check-up. As he was leaving, he asked the doctor if he could recommend a specialist for his wife. “What’s wrong with her?” asked the doctor. The old man explained that her hearing was getting so bad that it was almost embarrassing. The doctor said he knew of several specialists that could help, but he wanted the old man to do a little test when he got home to help determine the severity of her hearing loss. “When you get home,” he said, “make sure your wife’s back is turned to you and ask her a question. If she doesn’t respond, walk closer and ask her again. Keep doing this until she answers and let me know the results.” That night, when the old man opened the door of his home, he saw his wife in the kitchen preparing dinner. She was at the counter with her back to the door. “What’s for dinner?” the old man asked. His wife did not respond, so he walked to the doorway of the kitchen and asked the question again. Still, he was greeted with silence. He walked up just behind her and asked once again, “What’s for dinner?” His wife spun around and, a bit agitated, shouted, “For the third time, baked chicken!” S. Sutton A DOCTOR’S DUTY While doing her rounds, a new nurse couldn’t help overhearing the surgeon yelling, “Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!” “Why does he keep doing that?” she asked a colleague. “Oh, he likes to call the shots around here.” A. C. 98 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE