Community Magazine May 2013

ROLE REVERSAL David and Cindy were at their first prenatal class. So that the David could get an idea of what it felt like to be pregnant, the instructor strapped a bag of sand to his stomach. As he walked around with his new bulge, David said, “This doesn’t feel too bad.” Then the instructor deliberately dropped a pen and said to David, “Now I want you to pick up that pen as if you were pregnant.” “You want me to do it the way my wife would?” David confirmed. “Exactly the same,” said the instructor. David turned to his wife, Cindy, and said, “Honey, pick up that pen for me.” Michael H. A COP’S BOO BOO A cop was rushed into the OR for an emergency appendectomy. The surgery went well, but afterward he felt a weird pulling sensation on his chest. Worried that something else might be wrong, he lifted his hospital gown to take a look. Attached firmly to his chest hairs was a wide strip of tape bearing an inscription that read, “Get well, soon.” It was signed, “The nurse you gave a ticket to this morning.” Abhu Cohen EMERGENCY CONTACT Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, “If an emergency, notify:” I write, “doctor.” Shmuel Lalehfar JUVENILE PAIN We rushed our four-year-old son, Jack, to the emergency room with a terrible cough, high fever and vomiting. The doctor did an examination, and then asked Jack what bothered him most. After thinking it over, Jack said hoarsely, “I would have to say my little sister.” Jack V. Grazi EXOTIC VIRUS Steve went on a business trip to Africa, and when he returned, he felt very sick. He went to his doctor, who sent him straight to the hospital to find out what could be wrong. The next day, Steve woke up in a private room in the hospital when the phone next to his bed rang. “This is your doctor. We’ve done a series of tests and found that you have an extremely rare contagious virus!” Steve asked the doctor what could be done. “We’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.” Steve asked, “Will that cure me?” “No,” the doctor replied, “but it’s the only food we can get under the door.” Sarah Dweck HEALTH HELP A pharmacist comes back from his break and sees a man leaning against the wall, his face strained and nervous. He asks his assistant, “What’s wrong with that man over there?” “He came in looking for cough medicine,” she replies. “I couldn’t find any, so I gave him a whole bottle of laxatives.” “Oh great!” steamed the pharmacist. “He is going to sue us now. You don’t give laxatives to a person with a cough!” “Well,” said the clerk defensively, “look at him. He’s afraid to cough!” Yitzy D. ANIMAL HUMOR Q. Why does a hen lay eggs? A. Because if she let them drop, they would break. Q. What is a bird after he is four days old? A. Five days old. Q. Why is an egg not like an elephant? A. If you can’t tell the difference, I would not want to send you to get eggs. Q. What dog keeps the best time? A. A watch dog. Q. Why do birds fly south? A. Because it’s too far to walk. Eli Koslowitz THE Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations. Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. email: jokes@CommunityM.com ● mobile: Scan the QR code  facsimile: 718-504-4246 ● online: go.CommunityM.com/jokes postal mai l: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223 SIDE 104 Community magazine