Community Magazine April 2013

MECHANIC/ DOCTOR Edward, a mechanic, was removing a cylinder head from a family minivan, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his garage. The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his vehicle. While he was waiting, Edward shouted across the garage, “Hey doc. Can I ask you a question?” A bit surprised, the surgeon walked over to Edward. Edward straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So doc, look at this engine. I also can open hearts, take valves out, fix ‘em up, and put in new parts, and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I work for a pittance, and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?” The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over and whispered in Edwards’ ear, “Try doing it with the engine running!” Rivka Betesh AUTOMATIC SIGNAL We’re really living in an animated society. It seems that whenever a traffic signal light turns green, it automatically activates the horn of the car behind you. Jack V. Grazi BEST SOLUTION A toothpaste factory had a problem. They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the tube inside, which was tarnishing their reputation among buyers and distributors. Understanding how important these relationships were to the company’s success, the CEO assembled his top people, and they decided to hire an external engineering company to solve their empty boxes problem. The project followed the usual process: budget and project sponsor allocated, RFP, and third-parties selected. Six months and $500K later they had a fantastic solution – on time, on budget, and high quality. Everyone in the project was pleased. They solution was to use a high-tech precision scale that would sound a bell and flash lights whenever a toothpaste box weighed less than it should. The production line would stop, and someone would walk over, remove the defective box, and then press the button to restart the line. As a result of the new package monitoring process, no empty boxes were being shipped out of the factory. With no more customer complaints, the CEO felt the $500K was well spent. He then reviewed the line statistics report and discovered something strange. The number of empty boxes picked up by the scale during the first week was consistent with projections, whereas in the next three weeks it didn’t detect any. The estimated rate should have been at least a dozen boxes a day. He had the engineers check the equipment, and they verified the report as accurate. Puzzled, the CEO traveled down to the factory, viewed the part of the line where the precision scale was installed, and observed that just ahead of the newly installed $500K solution, sat a $20 desk fan blowing the empty boxes off the belt and into a bin. He asked the line supervisor what that was about. “Oh, that,” the supervisor replied. “Bert, the kid from maintenance, put it there because he was tired of walking over every time the bell rang.” Yamir Safdieh FORGETTING EVERYTHING Two old ladies were once sitting and talking. Beth: You know, these days I’m forgetting everything. Ruth: I know, I have the same problem. That’s why I made my email password “incorrect.” Whenever I get it wrong, the computer will tell me my password: “Your password is incorrect.” Dorna Delrahim HI TECH GUESS A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, THE Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations. Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. email: jokes@CommunityM.com ● mobile: Scan the QR code  facsimile: 718-504-4246 ● online: go.CommunityM.com/jokes postal mai l: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223 SIDE 104 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE