Community Magazine December 2012

A STROLL AROUND THE BLOCK I’m not into exercising, so yesterday, when my wife suggested we take a walk around the block, I asked, “Why? We are already here.” Jack V. Grazi DENTAL STRATEGY After filling three cavities for Ralph, Dr. Smith made an unusual request of his patient. “Could you do me a favor?” he asked. “Could you yell out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?” Surprised, Ralph responded, “Why doctor, I’m not really feeling much pain this time!” “I know,” the dentist said, “but there are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don’t want to miss the six o’clock train.” Michael Levy GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS Doctor: Now that you’ve woken up, Aladeen, I have good news and bad news. What would you like to hear first? Aladeen: Let’s hear the bad news first. Doctor: I had to amputate both your legs. Aladeen: What?! So what’s the good news? Doctor: The man in the bed next to you offered $10 to buy your shoes. Siporah Sassoon A HAIRY SITUATION I knew that I was going bald because it was taking me longer and longer to wash my face. M. Tawil RESUME BLAST Samantha, a Jewish receptionist, was unhappy at work, so she submitted her resignation, confident she’d have no trouble finding a new position. She e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employers and attached her resume to each one. Two weeks later, Samantha was dismayed and bewildered that she had not received even one request for an interview. Finally, she received a message from a prospective employer that explained the reason she hadn’t heard from anyone else. It read: “Your resume was not attached as stated. I do, however, want to thank you for the ‘ sambousak ’ recipe, it was delicious!” Yamir Safdieh FIRST RESPONDER I was at a ball game when a man behind me gasped and fell over. I climbed over the seat, established that the man was breathing, and then proceeded to check his pulse. Suddenly, a burly woman stormed over and brushed me off, saying, “Step aside! I’m a nurse.” She then proceeded to examine the man. Retreating to my seat, I remarked, “When you need to call a doctor, I’ll be sitting in the front here.” Nathan Harary TELECOMMUNICATION TALK Don, who’s been working for the phone company for many years, rarely brings his job home, but sometimes he can’t avoid it. Once, he asked his wife to make an appointment for him with the optometrist. “What should I say is wrong?” she asked. He said, “Tell them my local is fine, but I’m having trouble with my long distance.” Abhu Cohen MEDICAL MOTTO Doctor: Don’t worry Mr. Smith. I’m right 98 percent of the time. Patient: Well, that’s good to know, doctor. Doctor: Yes, my motto has always been, “Who cares about the other two percent?” Ed Cohen TRIALWARE Sharon: Morris, did you know that the software you installed in my computer is a trial version? Morris: Yeah, but it only expires in like 30,000 days. Sharon: Wait, that’s like 80 years from now. Morris: Actually, it’s 82 years. Sharon: I guess that’s okay, by then we’ll probably be too old to worry about it. Joy P. LUMBERJACKING A large, well-established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny little guy showed up at the camp with his ax, and knocked on the head lumberjack’s door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to scram. “Just give me a chance to tell you what I can do,” said the skinny man. “Okay,” the lumberjack said. “Tell me about your experience. Have you ever done lumberjack work before?” “Sure,” replied the puny man, “I worked for three years in the Sahara Forest.” “You mean the Sahara Desert,” said the lumberjack. The little man laughed and said, “Oh sure, that’s what they call it now!” Yitzy D. THE Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations. Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. email: jokes@CommunityM.com ● mobile: Scan the QR code  facsimile: 718-504-4246 ● online: go.CommunityM.com/jokes postal mai l: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223 SIDE 88 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE