Community Magazine November 2012

1 WHAT IS THE BASIC OBLIGATION OF TOCHAHAH ? The Biblical command of “ hoche’ah tochi’ah et amitecha ” (“You shall reprove your fellow” – Vayikra 19:17) requires reproving an individual who has committed a sin, mainly by noting the harm he causes to himself through sin, so that he will repent. This mitzvah also requires a person who has been the victim of wrongdoing to approach the offender, explain that his feelings are hurt, and ask for an explanation. The mitzvah applies equally to both men and women, and in all times and places. One does no recite a berachah before performing this mitzvah. 2 WHAT ARE SOME REASONS BEHIND THIS MITZVAH ? When a person commits an offense against his fellow, the victim is likely to harbor negative feelings toward the offender. By approaching the offender, the victim allows him the chance to either explain his behavior or to apologize, and thus tochahah can often serve as an essential means of repairing strained relations among people. Additionally, all Jews are obligated to help one another both physically and spiritually, and we must therefore endeavor to help our fellow Jews improve their religious observance when possible. 3 WHAT REWARD DOES ONE RECEIVE FOR FULFILLING THIS MITZVAH ? One who properly fulfills the mitzvah of tochahah earns a close relationship with Gd, as the Talmud ( Tamid 28a) states, “Anyone who reproves his fellow for the sake of Heaven is granted the privilege of residing in Hashem’s domain.” He also earns Hashem’s favor and receives blessing and royalty ( Yalkut Shimoni, Devarim 793). 4 WHAT IS THE PUNISHMENT FOR FAILING TO FULFILL THIS MITZVAH ? The city of Jerusalem was destroyed because its residents did not give tochahah to one another ( Shabbat 119b). When a Jew is in a position to help correct other people’s wrongdoing and fails to do so, he bears responsibility for subsequent sins that he might have prevented through his protest (Sanhedrin 27b). Other punishments for neglecting this mitzvah include the loss of Hashem’s protection, and the loss of property ( Succah 29). 5 UNDER WHAT PRACTICAL CIRCUMSTANCES IS ONE OBLIGATED TO OFFER TOCHAHAH ? One must offer tochahah even if it is uncertain whether the reproof will be accepted, since there is a chance that the words might lead him to teshuvah ( Rambam, Hilchot Deot 6:3). But if one knows with reasonable certainty that the tochahah will not be accepted, then he should remain silent so as not to turn the subject – who may be considered an inadvertent sinner – into a more serious deliberate sinner. Additionally, even if one believes that the subject may accept the tochahah , if he is uncertain of whether he is capable of administering rebuke in the correct manner, so that it will not evoke anger, resentment, or embarrassment, then he should remain silent because it is forbidden to give tochahah the wrong way. Thus, for example, if one believes that his friend will feel offended by the reproof and it could jeopardize their relationship, it is better not to offer tochahah until such time as he feels confident that the message can be delivered without causing other harm. Likewise, since people generally take offense when hearing criticism about how they raise their children, one who sees a parent inappropriate scolding or punishing a child should only offer tochahah if he is certain that he can deliver the message properly and in a manner that will have a constructive effect. 6 HOW DOES ONE PROPERLY OFFER TOCHAHAH ? Tochahah should be spoken in a gentle and sincere tone, and in a private location. One must emphasize that he acts purely out of concern for the wrongdoer’s spiritual welfare. In this way, one avoids the grave Torah prohibition against causing somebody embarrassment. One should also precede his words of tochahah by offering the wrongdoer sincere compliments, emphasizing the high regard he has for him, as this raises the chances of the words of rebuke being accepted. 7 IS ONE REQUIRED TO OFFER TOCHAHAH TO A PARENT OR TEACHER? One who sees his parent or teacher acting in a manner that is contrary to halachah must point out the mistake, in a gentle, respectful manner ( Bava Metzia 31a). The Top 10 Questions & Answers on Customs and Laws oF D dicated oving emo y Hac a N i Ma a . Tochahah – Offering Corrective Advice The halachot and customs listed here are not presented in any particular order. These summaries represent a very brief overview of the subject matter to promote general awareness and encourage further study. As always, readers should consult their rabbi with specific queries. RABBI DANIEL D. LEVY 68 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE