Community Magazine October 2012

SECRET IDENTITY Having worked for many years as a Shabbos goy, Douglas was very appreciative of the generosity he received from the Jewish community. In fact, he was so grateful that when he retired, he decided to change his last name to “Cohen,” after the late rabbi of the synagogue. One Saturday afternoon, well into his retirement, Douglas was shopping with his wife, who had picked out a large number of items to purchase. As the cashier was ringing up the sale, the manager, who was a bit of a racist, looked suspiciously at the black couple making such a large purchase in his store. When he saw that the name on the credit card they were using said, “Douglas Cohen,” he was sure that this was a fraudulent transaction and came out to the front counter, so he could watch Douglas’ every move. Noticing the manager’s suspicion, Douglas decided to play it cool. When the credit card receipt printed, the manager snatched it from the cashier and presented it to Douglas. While holding the credit card with the signature panel in front of him, the manager said “We’re going to need you to sign here, Mr. Cohen,” emphasizing Douglas’ Jewish sounding last name in the snootiest tone. An awkward silence followed as the manager grinned smugly at the couple. Suddenly, Douglas exclaimed, “Man, are you crazy?” as he looked around at the other customers. Turning back to look at the manager disbelievingly, he added, “You want me to write on Shabbos?!” Shmuel Ani GOLF GOTCHA The golf pro, dragged himself into the clubhouse looking as though he’d just survived a tornado. “What’s wrong?” one of the caddies asked. “I just lost a game to Houlihan,” the pro said. “What? But Houlihan’s the worst player I’ve ever seen. How could he have beaten you?” “He tricked me,” the pro explained. “On the first tee, he asked for a handicap. I told him he could have 10, 15, 20 strokes – any handicap he wanted. He said, ‘Just give me two gotchas.’” “What’s a gotcha?” asked the caddy. “That’s what I wanted to know,” the pro said. “But Houlihan just told me, ‘You’ll see,’ and I figured it didn’t make a difference. Then, as I was teeing off, just as I had my club poised, he screamed out ‘Gotcha!’ and threw a nine iron over my head!” “I can guess what happened,” the caddy said. “Sure,” the pro said. “It threw me off, and I missed the ball completely.” “Understandable,” said the caddy. “But still, that’s only one swing. How did he win the game?” The pro answered, “You try swinging at a golf ball all day while waiting for thatww second ‘gotcha!’” Yitzy D. GEOGRAPHIC JARGON R ozzie: “I traveled almost all over the world.” Paulette: “Wow, you must know geography well.” Rozzie: “Oh yes, I spent almost two months there… ” Shmuel Lalehfar FLIGHT FOLLY On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking light at the tip of the wing. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant. “I’m sorry to bother you,” she said, “but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time.” Abie Tawil ANIMAL INTELLIGENCE Dolphins are so smart that within a short time after captivity, they can train people to catch fish, and then stand on the very edge of the pool to feed it to them. Alfred Harary FEELS LIKE HOME High above the clouds, three travelers, an American, a Russian, and an Australian, were travelling around the world in a hot air balloon. The Russian man put his hand out and reached down into the clouds. “Comrades!” he said. “We’re over the motherland now.” “How can you tell?” asked the American. “I can feel the cold air,” he replied. A few days later, the Australian man put his hand through the clouds. “Ay mates, we’re over the outback now,” he said. “How do you know that?” asked the Russian. “I can feel the heat of the desert.” Several days later the American put his hand through the clouds. “Yo guys, we’re right over East L.A. now.” The Russian and Australian were amazed that the American could recognize even a neighborhood, from so high up. “How do you know that?!” they exclaimed. The American pulled his hand in and held it up for them to see. “My watch is missing.” Frieda Mizrahi THE Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations. Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. email: jokes@CommunityM.com ● mobile: Scan the QR code  facsimile: 718-504-4246 ● online: go.CommunityM.com/jokes postal mai l: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223 SIDE 88 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE