Community Magazine October 2012

GET IMMEDIATE SAGE ADVICE OVER THE PHONE! CALL 971-ADVISE-ME (971-238-4736) To speak with Rabbi Elbaz, call Monday and Wednesday evenings from 8:30-9:00 pm (or leave a confidential message) for advice for those ethical dilemmas and practical predicaments which can’t wait. mobile: Scan the QR code at right online: go.CommunityM.com/ask email: Ask@CommunityM.com facsimile: 718-504-4246 postal mail: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223 Dear Rabbi, A very close friend of mine works for a very wealthy fellow. His boss, who is not Jewish, decided to throw a surprise birthday party for my friend, but insisted on holding it in a private room at a fancy non-kosher restaurant. In spite of extensive efforts, no one has been able to convince the boss to either cancel the party or hold it in another venue. The boss did, however, agree to have kosher food brought in for all who request it. This is a major event for my friend and I really feel an obligation to go, but I am concerned about the problem of mar’it ayin (acting in a manner that arouses suspicion). In light of the circumstances, would it be preferable to attend with a kippa or without one? Well Meaning Friend E C I S a g e V a D A D V I C E Dear Well Meaning Friend, I must first compliment you for your concern for an issue that some people might not consider significant enough to even ask about. As you will see, both questions – about the kippa and about mar’it ayin – are extremely important and worth taking the time to investigate in order to act appropriately. The idea of wearing the kippa is sourced in the Gemara, where our sages teach us of the influence which a head covering has on the Jew wearing it, assisting him in maintaining a degree of yir’at Shamayim (fear of Gd) and protection from sin (see Shabbat 156b). The Gemara also cites the comment of one of the sages that he anticipated great reward for never having walked four cubits without a head covering (Shabbat 118b). Turning our attention to mar’it ayin, there are two aspects to this prohibition (see Iggerot Moshe – Y.D. 4, p.180). The first, and probably better known concept, is the concern that people who observe behavior that appears as a Torah violation might deduce that such activity is permissible. Even behavior that is inherently permissible will at times be prohibited if it could mislead people into permitting what is actually forbidden by the Torah. The second aspect of mar’it ayin is the concern to protect one from suspicion of sin. The Torah (Bamidbar 23:22) admonishes us, “Ve’heyitem nekiyim maHshem u’meyisrael – You shall be clean before Hashem and in the eyes of Israel,” establishing an obligation to avoid even otherwise permissible behavior if it could arouse suspicion. In light of this analysis, several factors must be considered to determine the proper course of action in your situation, specifically, whether or not the restaurant is located in a heavily Jewish-populated area, or whether or not you are known in that neighborhood. If the restaurant is located in an area where nobody knows you, which is quite often the case, you would be able to enter the restaurant with some type of cap or hat which would take the place of a kippa. This will allow you to observe the practice of wearing a head covering and still eliminate any concern of mar’it ayin, since no one could identify you as a Jew who is appearing to make himself comfortable in a non- kosher establishment. If this scenario does not apply to your situation, you may need to explain the specifics to a competent halachic authority in order to determine the correct course of action. May your concern on behalf of the Torah find favor in the eyes of Hashem, and may His merciful guidance assist you in this situation and protect you from any such difficulties in the future. With Torah blessings and warm wishes, Rabbi Yechiel Elbaz 76 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE