Community Magazine September 2012

shaRiNG the weaLth Abe could not make a living in the old country, so he left his family there and came to the United States. In a short while, he amassed a huge fortune. Abe heard that a friend of his, Benny, was going back to the old country, so Abe asked him to take $100,000 and give it to his wife. Benny agreed, but asked how much he would receive for his services. Abe thought for a moment and said, “Okay, take $1000.” “That’s not enough for such a task,” Benny protested. Abe offered $2,000, but Benny declined again. After thinking about it for a few moments, Abe said, “Okay, my wife whatever you want and keep the rest.” Thrilled with this arrangement, Benny happily accepted. On the long boat ride to the old country, Benny decided he’d keep $10,000 and give the wife $90,000. Later during the trip, Benny changed his mind. Figuring that $10,000 isn’t enough, he decided that it would be fair to split the money evenly so that he’d keep $50,000 and give the wife the other $50,000. But as he got off the boat and saw how poor everyone was, he considered how $50,000 dollars was worth so much in the old country, and he remembered how quickly that amount would be spent when he got back home. So he decided to keep $99,000 and give the wife just $1000. When he finally came to Abe’s wife and gave her the money, she suspected something was wrong. She knew her husband was very wealthy and wouldn’t only send her $1000. She took the man to the Bet Din (court) to demand the rest of the money. Benny explained to the judge that Abe told him to give his wife whatever he wanted and to keep the rest. The judge thought over the case for some time and then rendered his decision. “After careful consideration, I have come upon the only correct judgment,” the rabbinic judge said. “Abe told you to give his wife whatever you want and to keep the rest. Well, you wanted the $99,000, so that’s what you must give to her, and you keep the rest, which is $1000.” Jack Grazi heLp FROM aBOVe Mark was in serious financial trouble. The situation was desperate, and so he turned to Gd for help. He went into the synagogue and began to pray. “Gd,” he cried, “please help me. I’ve lost my business, and if I don’t get some money soon, I’m going to lose my car. Please let me win the lotto.” Lotto night finally arrived, and much to Mark’s disappointment, somebody else won. Mark went back to the synagogue and pleaded, “Gd, please let me win the lotto. I’ve lost my car, and now, if I don’t get some money soon, I’m going to lose my house, as well.” Once again, lotto night came and Mark didn’t win. So he went to the synagogue for a third time. “Gd, why have you forsaken me?” he cried. “I’ve lost my business, my house and my car, and if I don’t get some money soon, I won’t have anything to eat. Why won’t You just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order?” Suddenly, there was a blinding flash of light as the heavens opened and Mark heard the voice of Gd Himself. “Mark,” the voice thundered. “Meet Me half way on this one – buy a lotto ticket.” Y. D. pOiNts tO pONdeR • If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain. • The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. • How can you tell when you’re out of invisible ink? • When everything seems to be coming your way, you might be in the wrong lane. • If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work? • 94 percent of people will believe any statistic they see in print. • 87 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. David Masri THE Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations. Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. email: jokes@CommunityM.com ● mobile: Scan the QR code  facsimile: 718-504-4246 ● online: go.CommunityM.com/jokes postal mai l: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223 SIDE 104 Community magazine