Community Magazine August 2012

OCCUPATIONAL LOGIC If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, and drycleaners depressed? Nathan Harary ALPHABETICAL APTITUDE A kindergarten teacher was just beginning to teach her class the ABCs and wanted to see what they knew already. So she asked, “Which letter comes after the letter ‘A’?” Little Abie quickly raised his hand, and said, “I know.” “Ok Abie, please tell the class which letter comes after the letter ‘A’?” With a proud smile on his face, Abie replied, “All of them!” Jack V. Grazi DOLLARS AND SENSE A mother was helping her son review his math. “You have seven dollars and seven friends,” she said. “You give a dollar to two of them but none to the others. What do you have left?” From the kitchen, the big sister called out, “Two friends.” Abhu Cohen MATH TEST SUCCESS Joe walked into his dad’s study while his dad was working on the computer. “Dad,” said Joe, “remember when you told me you’d give me $50 if I passed my math test?” Dad nodded. “Well, I have good news for you,” Joe said confidently.” I just saved you 50 bucks!” Dorna Delrahim PHYSICAL EDUCATION I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. Ralph Esses BASEBALL BLUNDER There was a knock at the door. It was a small boy, about six years old. Something of his had found its way into my garage, he said, and he wanted it back. Upon opening the garage door, I noticed two additions: a baseball and a broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole. “How do you suppose this ball got in here?” I asked the boy. Taking one look at the ball, one look at the window, and one look at me, the boy exclaimed, “Wow! I must have thrown it right through that hole!” Shlomo Schweky MOST WANTED MEN David’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. “Yes,” said the policeman. “The detectives want very badly to capture him.” David then approached the officer and asked, “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?” Steven Sultan CURIOUS Q & A Q. Which battle did Napoleon die? A. His last battle. Q. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? A. At the bottom of the page. Q. The Hudson River flows in which state? A. Liquid. Q. What is the main reason for failure? A. Exams. Q. What can you never eat for breakfast? A. Lunch. Q. What looks like half an apple? A. The other half. Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? A. Wet. Q. How can a man go three days without sleeping? A. He sleeps at night. Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? A. You will never find an elephant that has only one hand. Q. If you had 3 apples and 4 oranges in one hand and 4 apples and 3 oranges in other hand, what do you have? A. Very large hands. Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? A. No time at all, the wall is already built. Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack. Eddie Cohen DOG DAZE A grandfather was bringing his grandchildren home one day, when a fire truck zoomed by. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. Curious about this, the children started wondering aloud why the firemen took a dog with them. “They use him to keep crowds back,” said one child. “No,” said another. “He’s just for good luck.” A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrants.” Eddie Gindi NAME CHANGE I had a teacher Morah Tzippi, She got married and became Mississippi. Marilyn Salem THE Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations. Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. email: jokes@CommunityM.com ● mobile: Scan the QR code  facsimile: 718-504-4246 ● online: go.CommunityM.com/jokes postal mai l: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223 SIDE 88 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE

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