Community Magazine June 2012

86 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE GRAMMATICAL POWER One day in class an English professor wrote a sentence on the board: “A woman without her man is nothing.” He then turned to the students and asked them to punctuate it correctly. All the males in the class wrote, “A woman, without her man, is nothing.” All the females wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.” Nissim K. A BAG OF TRICKS George was pedaling his way to cross the border into Mexico, carrying a large bag on his shoulders. When he got to the border, the Mexican guard said, “Tell me what is in the bags!” George replied, “Sand.” The guard checked the bag carefully and all he found was sand, so he let George cross. The next day, the same thing happened. George reached the border with another bag on his shoulder, and the guard again checked the bag. Just like the day before, there was nothing but sand, so the guard let George cross. This went on for years until George became too old and retired. As it happened, George and the guard both moved into the same old-age-home. Still curious about George’s strange cargo, the old guard sat down next to him in the cafeteria and said, “It’s been driving me crazy for years. I know you weren’t just bringing sand into Mexico every day, please tell me what you were really smuggling all those years?” Smiling at the guard, George replied, “Stolen bikes!” Ralph J. WAYS TO TELL YOU’RE FINALLY GROWN UP • Your house plants are alive and they’re not part of a school science project. • You keep more food than beer in the fridge. • 6am is when you get up, not when you go to bed. • You hear your favorite song in an elevator. • You actively watch the weath- er and history channels. • You go from 130 vacation days to 14. • Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.” • You’re the one calling the police because those wild kids next door won’t turn down the stereo. • You take naps. • Dinner and a movie is the “whole” date instead of the “beginning” of one. • Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3am would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach. • You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. • A full 90 percent of the time you spend in front of a com- puter is for real work. • You drink a glass of wine at home to save money before going to a restaurant. Sharon Harary GREAT MEDICAL STRIDES Irving, a 77-year-old man from Toronto, arrived in Miami seeking to restore his health in the fresh Florida air and warm sun. On his way from the airport, Irving asked Ricardo, the taxi cab driver, “Say, is this really a healthy place to live?” “It sure is,” Ricardo replied. “When I first came here, I was pale, my eyesight was terrible, and I couldn’t even walk – much less drive. But after getting some sun and eating well, I can barely remember those days..” “That’s wonderful!” said Irving. “How long have you been here?” Ricardo glanced at Irving in the rearview mirror and said, “I was born here sir.” Steven Cohen RABBIT REVIVAL KIT A man was driving along the highway, when a rabbit hopped across the middle of the road, right in front of him. The man swerved, but unfortunately it was too late and the rabbit was hit by the car’s bumper and thrown several dozen feet its death. The driver felt so awful he began to cry. A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. “I feel terrible,” he explained. “I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it.” The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her trunk and pulled out a spray can. She THE Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations. Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. email: jokes@CommunityM.com ● mobile: Scan the QR code  facsimile: 718-504-4246 ● online: go.CommunityM.com/jokes postal mai l: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223 SIDE