Community Magazine June 2012

Dear Auto Independence, From a financial standpoint, buying a used car tends to be more economical than leasing a new one. Of course, when buying a used car, it is always wise to have the vehicle inspected by a qualified mechanic and compare the expected lifetime costs of the car. In some cases, purchasing an extended warranty which would cover major repairs is also a good investment for used cars. But it sounds to me like the issue at hand is more about your independence and desire for your mother to trust you than which car to acquire. It seems like you have done your due diligence in researching the car and feel that you are getting a good deal from a trustworthy person, while your mom and brother are afraid that the used car will break down and that you will have spent your money unwisely. You can explain to them that you value their advice greatly but need them to express confidence in your ability to make decisions, especially after the research you have done. Thank them for their concern and their advice and buy the car you want, or take their advice to heart and lease a new car. The choice is still yours no matter what you decide. Just because you choose to follow their advice does not mean they control your choices. Your mom just wants what she believes is best for you – though moms need to understand that sometimes what they think is best isn’t what their children, especially grown children, must do. Consider both options, buying used or leasing, apart from whose idea it is and decide what is best for yourself. In the future, when this type of situation occurs, try to hear advice as a helpful suggestion rather than a criticism of your ability to make good decisions. If you are confident in yourself, then others will respect your decisions and not feel a grudge. Even if – and maybe especially if – things don’t work out well, you can feel good knowing that you made the decision that seemed right to you and hopefully the people that love you will not feel compelled to say “I told you so.” Initially it may be hard for your mom to hold back “helpful” advice. As part of the missva of kibud em , honoring one’s mother, you should calmly listen to her suggestions, thank her, and tell her you will consider her advice when making your decision. In some ways, determining how you will handle the advice of loved ones, while staying true to yourself, may be the most important decision of all. Best of luck Sito Dear Sito I am in the process of buying a used car, but when my father told my mother about my plans, she got paranoid and told me not to go through with it. She (and my brother, as well) prefers to lease a new car and thinks that all used cars tend to break down. On the other hand, I did extensive research and was able to agree on a fair price. Also, the seller, who is Jewish, is willing to let us inspect the car. I have always had respect for my parents, but the last thing I want is for mom to have a grudge against me for the way I spend my own money. I am 34 and I feel that if I am to find my own marriage partner, I need to own a car already instead of sharing one with the family. What should I do? Signed, Auto Independence Si•to (sĭtō) Grandmother[Arabic] Ask ito YOU CAN ASK SITO! Send in your toughest queries and requests for the wisdom of Sito mobile: Scan the QR code at right online: go.CommunityM.com/ask email: Ask@CommunityM.com facsimile: 718-504-4246 postal mail: 1616 Ocean Parkway Brooklyn, NY 11223 68 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE