Community Magazine May 2012

86 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE PASSOVER PREP PARTICIPATION J eff, Max and Abe were each bragging how much they had helped their wives with the Passover preparations. “I cleaned out the whole car and vacuumed it myself,” said Jeff. “Well, I helped with the car tooo, and I also did the book-cases,” said Max. “I helped with the vacuuming,” said Abe. “When the housekeeper was doing the cleaning, I lifted my legs so she could vacuum under the couch.” Michael Levy A BEDOUIN BURGLARY Returning to his tent-in the Negev, Mahmud was shocked to find that his home had been ransacked and burglarized. He telephoned the Israeli police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit that was patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the tent with his dog on a leash, Mahmud became very upset and began to scream, pumping his fist to the sky at the sight of the cop and his dog. Then he just sat down on the sand with his hands over his face and began to cry. When the policeman asked him why he was so upset, Mahmoud moaned, “It was bad enough that I came home to find all my possessions stolen. But now, when I call the Israelis for help, what do they do? They send me a blind policeman.” Steven Sutton THE FAMILY UNIT T he property manager of a single-family residence was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. “Professionally employed?” he asked. “We’re a military family,” the wife answered. “Children?” “Oh, yes, two boys ages ten and twelve,” she answered with a sigh. “Animals?” “Well, sometimes,” she said earnestly. “But they’re usually pretty well behaved.” Nathan Harary A VOTE OF CONFIDENCE W aiting at his campaign headquarters for the election results, the career politician was nervous about the results of the close race. As the telephone rang, a hush spread over the volunteers and staff in the room. The politician picked up the phone and listened intently. After a moment his face lit up and everyone in the room started cheering. When he hung up, the politician immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news. “Ma!” he shouted. “The results are in – I won the election!” “Honestly?” the mother asked. The politician’s smiled faded. “Aw, Ma, why do you always have to bring that up?” Sarah Dweck PARTY PROMOTION T wo opposing county chairmen were sharing a rare moment together. The Democratic chairman said, “I never pass up a chance to promote the party. For example, whenever I take a cab, I give the driver a sizable tip and say, ‘Vote Democrat.’” His opponent said, “I have a better scheme for promoting my party when I ride a cab. Instead of giving a tip, I haggle about the fare, complain about the service, and then make sure to tell the driver to, ‘Vote Democrat.’” Eddie Cohen BASEBALL HEAT Q. Why was the baseball stadium so hot? A. Becausemost of the fans were gone. Yair Chalouh MIDDLE EASTERN CULTURE On an Arab Airlines flight to New York, Abdul became hysterical, insisting that there must be Israelis in the bathroom, because the sign on the door said “Occupied.” How many Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb? None! They’d rather sit in the dark and blame the Israelis for it. What do you call a first-time offender in Saudi Arabia? Lefty! What does a Saudi Arabian man have to tell his wife when she has two black eyes? Nothing! He already told her twice. Abhu Cohen PROTESTING POLICING The other day, Jack went to Starbucks for coffee. When he came out, just a few minutes later, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket for an expired meter. THE Send us your most hilarious jokes, anecdotes, or observations. Top picks will appear in this section with the name of the contributor. email: jokes@CommunityM.com ● mobile: Scan the QR code  facsimile: 718-504-4246 ● online: go.CommunityM.com/jokes postal mai l: 1616 Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11223 SIDE