Community Magazine April 2012

Dear Just Saying No, Your concern about your aunt is quite appropriate, but I would not rush to pass on the information, even with the intention being sincerely for her wellbeing. First, step back, and take some points into consideration. Before we consider helping your aunt deal with what might be an undesirable habit, you must first be sure that a problem actually exists. While it is true that marijuana has a distinctive smell, there are other smells that are similar to it, such as the smell given off by a skunk, which might possibly be roaming her yard, and can be confused with the smell of marijuana. If you’ve just recently been exposed to this smell, you might want to spend some extra time around your aunt over the next week or two trying to confirm your suspicions. And then, even if you can confirm that your aunt was in fact using this drug, you may want to consider the possibility that there is a medicinal purpose for a condition that your aunt suffers from, but prefers to keep private. Should you eventually confirm that your aunt does regularly engage in the use of this illegal substance as a hazardous pastime, you should definitely go all out in your effort to help her (see Ramban to Devarim 19:18). The question, then, would be how to go about it. The first thing you might try is listening. Lend a sympathetic ear to learn what you can about difficulties she’s struggling with which may have led to this potentially destructive behavior. Simultaneously, as you work to find what’s really bothering her – which could very well be more than one thing – it would be a good idea to consult with your parents and a counselor from an organization like SAFE (Sephardic Addiction Family Education), which specializes in addiction intervention. Though you have an obligation to do what you can to help, you don’t need to carry the burden squarely on your own shoulders. If you know someone who’s a very close friend of hers and is clever and caring enough to unassumingly get to the bottom of things, it may be appropriate to enlist that person’s assistance. You must set your mind with one goal – to have your aunt get the help she needs – even if you won’t end up being the one to get the credit for it (see Mesilat Yesharim chap. 11 b’inyan netinat eisa), and in Hashem’s eyes the credit will undoubtedly be all yours. May Hashem grant you success in your efforts, and bestow proper guidance before you and your aunt in this situation in particular, and from there onto all the rest of your endeavors, as well. With Torah blessings and warm wishes, Rabbi Yechiel Elbaz Dear Rabbi, I started college recently, and soon after I got my first whiff of marijuana when some kids were smoking it outside one of the dorms. While I was not surprised to find drug use in college, I was surprised to find it when I came home. Last week I caught my aunt (my father’s sister), who is a very nice lady, smoking what smelled like marijuana in her backyard. I realize that my aunt grew up in the 60s and is from a different generation, but I don’t know how to deal with this discovery. Should I tell someone what I saw? Is it lashon hara? And if I should say something, whom should I tell? Just Saying No GET IMMEDIATE SAGE ADVICE OVER THE PHONE! CALL 971-ADVISE-ME (971-238-4736) To speak with Rabbi Elbaz for advice on those ethical dilemmas and practical predicaments which can’t wait, call Monday and Wednesday evenings between 8:30-9:00pm (leave a confidential message if the call is not answered). mobile: Scan the QR code at right online: go.CommunityM.com/ask email: Ask@CommunityM.com facsimile: 718-504-4246 postal mail: 1616 Opky, Brooklyn, NY 11223 E C I S a g e V a D A D V I C E 86 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE