Community Magazine April 2012

Dear Reluctant to Relate, You must respect the man’s wishes in order to avoid creating shalom bayit problems. If your friend was still only dating this person, then your responsibility might be different, in light of the specific halachot governing what you may disclose to a friend about a prospective marriage partner. However, since they are married, it is not your place to involve yourself in their affairs this way. Although it is understandable that you feel hurt for your friend, it appears that disclosing this information would ignite a harsh conflict between her and her husband. Many married people who bear the burden of addiction to cigarettes promise their spouse with utmost sincerity that they will quit, but it is quite a difficult undertaking. Perhaps your friend’s husband has been trying to overcome his need to smoke, and this is the first time in months that he has succumbed. Will it do any good for your friend to know that he slipped? How will he defend himself against your testimony of an isolated incident? He has his own personal struggle with smoking that he must overcome. The nagging or displeasure of a spouse is often not motivation to quit but rather motivation to avoid the nagging spouse. He will have to come to a resolution on his own and she will be better off not learning from you of his challenges along the journey. At the same time, if the opportunity arises, you can certainly let the husband know that you will respect his wishes not to tell his wife and encourage him to share with her his ongoing struggle. If he can relay to her that his desire to quit is often accompanied by temptation and regression, he will free himself of the shame of keeping his smoking secret and connect with her on a deeper emotional level. Best of luck Sito Dear Sito, While recently walking in the street, I noticed a good friend of mine’s husband walking past me while smoking. He, too, noticed me and turned bright red from embarrassment. He then stopped me and asked me not to tell his wife that I saw him smoking. I’m not sure what to do. On the one hand, he specifically asked me to respect his privacy and not tell his wife, whom he obviously does not want to know that he is smoking, and I certainly don’t want to be the cause of any shalom bayit (peace and harmony in the home) conflict. On the other hand, I feel hurt for my friend by his dishonesty with her, and, additionally, perhaps she can help him overcome this bad habit before it gets worse. What should I do? Reluctant to Relate Si•to (sĭtō) Grandmother[Arabic] Ask ito Apply for Our Licensed Attorneys Help You with Every Step of the Process! SOCIAL SECURITY DISABILITY FOR FREE! H Start Your Social Security Disability Application In Under 60 Seconds - CALL NOW! 1-866-640-9511 With one quick phone call, you can find out if you qualify for disability benefits, and we can help you file your claim faster! 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The hiring of a lawyer is an important decision that should not be based solely upon advertisements. No representation is made that the quality of the legal services to be performed is greater than the quality of legal services performed by other lawyers. Prior results do not guarantee a similar outcome. Additional fees may apply. If you can say “Yes!” to these questions, we can help you get the help you need! 84 COMMUNITY MAGAZINE